Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Getting past the EDD's

The EDD (estimated due date) of my first documented m/c passed unnoticed last year on 5/28/05...as did what could have been a First Birthday this past Sunday. Obviously, I didn't know that 5/28/05 was even an EDD last year...and the anniversary of that EDD went unnoticed this year because, well, I don't feel connected to that loss because I just didn't know. I suppose that is okay - not to really feel anything about it, since I didn't know. But, at the same time, I feel bad that I don't feel bad. Weird, no?

What I am dredding are my other EDDs - 6/27/06 and 10/30/06. I obviously felt a connection to those PG's - and those days are going to be rough. I can't believe the 6/27 EDD is just around the corner - and I should have been doing so many other things right now, least of which is looking Size 12 clothing from loosing some of the excess weight! But, I have to believe there is a reason for this - a reason I may or may not get to know in this "world." I am happy to say that I am getting a little more comfortable with the idea of not having those answers in this lifetime...I have to, otherwise I will drown in questions with no answers.

I have 6/27 off...although I have to take a conference call in the evening - oh, joy! Hope I don't have a headache. But, the day will be spent with the hubby. We will be planting flowers on that day, bleeding hearts specifically, at his great-grandparents' gravesite. We want these flowers planted somewhere where they will stay for the long-haul and, for DH, a special place since he feels such a strong connection to his great-grandparents. I am sure that once I get through that day, the next EDD won't be as bad...at least I hope so.

On a good note, I had such a nice weekend...BBQ's and great time with Chris. He so enjoyed his little pool, his toys, and the resulting mud! Yipes! I forgot how dirty kids could get!

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