Reconnecting

Sitting here at work, I just heard the song that Hubby and I danced to at our wedding in October 1998 ...and danced to the night we met is September 1987. This is a song NEVER played on the radio - one of those '80's "power ballads" that are considered so cheey now - that I am shocked it was on the radio today...

...and I should have been out of my 2 mile walk right now - preempted by a huge thunderstorm. Coindicence, maybe, to keep me here to hear it played? God only knows that.

But, thinking about this song has made me realize how hard I have been on him over the past few months - not by choice really, but out of necessity to keep myself in some sort of stabilty. The only thing I can really control right now is how Chris is raised and how things are kept at the house. I have no control over what is happening with my body, and I have no control of how wild my workload has gotten at work. And, I certainly would never want to take my frustrations out on Chris - and I can't take them out on the people I work with since I need the job for the faboo health insurance -, so I guess the only logical (and unconscious) target would be Hubby and the mess he leaves behind.

Guess I have been a real ass the past few months and never wanted to fess up to it.

Now, that doesn't mean he is off the hook 100% - he really does need to meet me halfway with helping me out - but at least I can agree to back-off a little bit.

Until we can talk - hopefully tonight, if I don't fall asleep on him first (which has been quite the challenge the last few weeks between the Lorazepam, work and the allergies) - here is the song that has reminded me of why I married him in the first place and why I can't give up on us, and won't.


The Search Is Over
By Survivor

How can I convince you
what you see is real
Who am I to blame you
for doubting what you feel
I was always reachin',
you were just a girl I knew
I took for granted the friend I have in you

I was living for a dream,
loving for a moment
Taking on the world,
that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes,
I can see forever
The search is over,
you were with me all the while

Can we last forever,
will we fall apart
At times it's so confusing,
the questions of the heart
You followed me through changes,
and patiently you'd wait
Till I came to my senses,
through some miracle of fate

I was living for a dream,
loving for a moment
Taking on the world,
that was just my style
Now I look into your eyes,
I can see forever
The search is over,
you were with me all the while

Now the miles stretch out behind me,
loves that I have lost
Broken hearts lie victims of the game
Then good luck,
it finally stuck like lightning from the blue
Every highway's leading me back to you
Now at last I hold you,
now all is said and done
The search has come full circle,
our destinies are one
So if you ever loved me,
show me that you give a damn
You'll know for certain the man I really am

I was living for a dream,
loving for a moment
Taking on the world,
that was just my style
When I touched your hand,
I could hear you whisper
The search is over,
love was right before my eyes