A year of incredible changes

My Hubby pointed out a few nights ago how much things have changed in one little year. Let's start from October 1, 2007:

• 10/07: We are working on evaluations, placements, therapy for Chris' PDD-NOS diagnosis

• 10/1/07: I tell hubby I am pregnant, after Chris mentions something about a "baby sister" and I set up to donate Chris' baby stuff

• 10/1/07: Hubby is laid off from his job after only 3 months

• 1/08: My IL's find out they are losing their house

• 5/08: My IL's get their house back

• 6/16/08: Gabriel is born

• 9/08: Hubby is offered a new job, after a few other offers he declines from other firms

• 9/29/08: We take Chris to a new pediatric neurologist and he tells us there is no way Chris is on the Autism spectrum (more on that to be posted this week)

• 10/1/08: Hubby starts new job...and it is a year from finding out about my PG with Gabriel

It certainly has been a year of ups, downs, endings and beginnings.

And, I am pleased now...with all of it. I am grateful because without the downs, there could not have been the ups.

I guess this is what acceptance truly feels like. It is so good to be here, finally.

Only a little while longer...

...and E2 will be here.

I am 40 wks, 5 days today...and no sign of impending labor. So, I am heading in for an induction tonight...and E2 will be here sometime tomorrow.

Here is one last belly pic, taken this morning on the eve of his arrival:



I can't believe this time is here...and, as much as I would have liked to go into labor on my own, it is nice to be able to take my time in packing my things for the hospital, spending some last quality time with Chris as an only child, and thinking about how much things are going to change in this house in less than 24 hours.

I honestly never thought I would be here, waiting for another child to enter into our lives. Looking back across the almost three years we were TTC our second...and the babies we lost...it still feels unreal that E2 is almost here. He was so very wanted. So very needed. But, there is one thing I know in my heart now: His arrival was a lesson for me in patience, faith, letting go, yet always appreciating the time I did have with my angels.

Someone has posted on one of the FF boards how, after her loss, she longed to get PG again so she could replace the child she lost in her miscarriage. E2, as much as he is loved already, for me, is not a replacement for the angels that surround us. He can't be - My angels had their own souls, own time, own love to give, although their time with me was brief. E2 has come to us in the right time...when I was finally able to let go of the hurt I carried for so long and began to live my life again. I am not sure how possible another PG would have been without having truly dealt with my sadness, my anger, my loss of faith in everything. And, as months of worry and anxiety over whether I would make it this far come to a close, I am so thankful to those who helped me through it all (in my BG's, through the blogging community and those in "real life" who took the time to care). I could not have gone through this journey without you.

I will check in with pics and details as soon as I am able...I am hoping the hospital has internet access. ;)

My little guy doesn't want to be a big guy

Since Chris has been sleeping in his big-boy bed every night since Saturday night (and most naps on the days he is not at my Mom's house since she doesn't drive), his nighttime routine has changed a bit.

It used to be that Daddy would read him a story as I played Vanna White doing the page turning in our bed while he had a cup of milk...then, it was time to use the bathroom, brush teeth and Daddy would lay down with him until he fell asleep (and Mommy would retreat to the futon to sleep since I just can't sleep in our bed right now).

Now, Mommy reads the story (specifically, the "I'm a Big Brother" book) at the foot of his bed, while Daddy gives "his baby" (AKA, the doll he got from the sibling class) a bottle and Chris has his milk...then, it is time to use the bathroom and brush teeth. Now, Chris has asks me to sit with him while he falls asleep - so I grab some pillows, sit next to his bed while we talk a little bit and then he falls asleep.

We had a conversation last night about him getting to be a big boy...and how he doesn't want to be a big boy. It was probably one of the sweetest conversations we have ever had.

To preface, I have been very careful throughout this PG that 1) Chris understands where E2 is right now and that Chris was once there too, 2) there will be some changes coming and that I might not always be able to drop things immediately with baby to do things for him, 3) Chris, no matter what, will always be Mommy's baby too...even though he is growing up and doing more big boy things and 4) we will always make time for him...special time that will only be his.

Doing this seems to have made his understanding of what is happening clear to us - you can see that a bit with how he handles "his baby"...

...Although I am prepared for regression. ;)

Anyways, so we were talking again last night about how well he is handling "his baby" - with feeding him, burping him, holding him, checking his diaper (even though it is just a doll right now) and how proud of him I am that he is being such a big boy and a good big brother already.

That was when Chris said he didn't want to be a big boy yet.

...And my heart just melt...and I wanted to cry.

So, I told him that, although he is doing such big boy things like using the potty now, using regular cups and utensils, going to school, "helping" Mommy to vacuum and make the bed and such...he does not have to be a big boy all the way just yet. I told him that he still was a little guy - he would be still for a while. ...And, it was okay for Mommy and Daddy to still help him with things, or for him to cry when he has booboos or is frustrated that he can't do something. He didn't need to be a completely big guy yet. He had time to still be my baby...

When I was done, I noticed he was snoring...

My little guy had fallen asleep during my reassurances.

...Only proving that, yes, he still is a little guy. And, he doesn't need to be a big guy in every way just yet.

**Sigh**

33 weeks...and the mayhem is in full swing!

Well, I am 33 weeks today...

I never imagined I would be sitting here posting this now. I just remember sitting in my living room, around December 2006, crying my eyes out and the midst of those nasty anxiety attacks...wondering if another child would ever come to us.

But now, the mayhem of getting ready for E2 at home is in full swing... Our soon-to-be former bedroom - the former crap-hole that you might be able to see a teeny-tiny glimpse of in these pics:


(behind the headboard...the old, orangish-paint. Couldn't tell you the original color as there were 3 smokers in the house years ago!)


(looking in from Chris' old room - our soon to be new room with new yellow paint. Note the joint compound on the left side of the window...that is how far we got with finishing off our bedroom before Chris arrived. We figured fixing the falling-down ceiling was a little more important.)

is coming along so, so nicely (thanks to the contractor that my FIL bailed out of making a bad business deal...otherwise, E2 would probably be 5 years old if I left this project to Hubby). Pics will be posted over the weekend...when we move Chris in there. Yeah! All I can say is, Chris is thrilled with the work so far...and keeps reminding us that it is his "big boy room" that he gets to share with E2.

Just too cute... Hoping they grow up being close. ;)

We are also trying to keep things "normal" for Chris...and are trying to prepare for his 4th Birthday party on May 10th. Say, what?!?!?! I am having a hard time adjusting to my baby being 4 years old. Sigh. He's going to really love us on his actual birthday (May 4th) when we take him to his sibling class at the hospital... We gotta make sure he gets his treat of McD's on that day (conveniently located in the hospital's lobby...).

Work is overwhelming...my work is being split between 3 people here (who are all very competent...just going to be hard to remember who is working on what!) and I am trying to fit the time in to train them all on how things are done. And, of course, be ready to leave on May 30th.

But, I am very grateful that my boss canceled the major advisory board meeting he was planning on May 12th... That alone has given me some time back on my calendar to get everything done.

The weather is getting warmer here...and I am back out walking (1 mile instead of 2...but it has slowed the weight gain down a bit, so at least I won't gain over 35 lbs with this PG!). But, I have no maternity capri's, no maternity shorts and only 4 short-sleeve shirts from my PG with Chris. Crap...guess I will be in air conditioning through my EDD. Refuse to buy anything more in maternity clothing!

Had my latest u/s done on Thursday... And, I am happy to report that all is well with E2 and his growth.

And, I am also happy to report that he may actually be more ME than Hubby. Woot! Woot! Looks like he's got my nose...which is a start.






Just a few things came up at that appointment...one thing I am waiting on b/w for and one I have to make some decisions on...

I got Dr. M this time at the MFM clinic - the actual Director of the MFM center. Very nice guy...actually, they have all been very nice. But, I think this particular doc was probably the most thorough of all of the 6 doctors there.

He asked me Dr. D's plans for delivery. Right now, Dr. D is going to let me go to 41 weeks at most - and, if I don't go into labor by then, I will be induced for June 17th. Dr. M, however, wants to modify that, depending upon what my current homocysteine levels are. Since I presented with elevated homocysteine levels with the MTHFR mutation, they have been checking them regularly since they do rise in PG. They have been level the entire time, just like my thyroid levels. However, if this last set comes back elevated, he wants me to deliver no later than my EDD of June 10th. So, now I am just waiting on the results of that b/w to see what the labor plan is...if I even need a plan. This PG has been so different, I am kinda hoping E2 will chose to make his own appearance.

The other issue...the one I need to make a decision on...is about the Lexapro I started on March 17th.

He asked me if anyone had told me about the rare issues that can come up with the baby upon deliver if I was still taking Lexapro at that time... Up to this point, no one has - I was told that it was safe (and I didn't really find anything on my own to say otherwise either).

Dr. M told me that there is a 1 in 1000 chance that the baby could develop Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension of the Newborn (PPHN) and/or could suffer from withdrawal symptoms upon birth (irritability, difficulty feeding) for a few days afterwards. He thinks my chances of this happening are relatively low, especially since I am on the lowest dose possible (5 mg).

The 5 mg has really helped so much to refocus me and manage the stress better... But, I have spent this entire PG worrying that everything would be okay with E2...and it has been...and I don't want ANYTHING to happen to him now.

So, I am not sure what to do at this point... I am afraid to come off the Lexapro right now since it has helped me so much, especially with sleep. If I come off now, I am not sure how I am going to handle it all. And, I know the med is helping E2 to be buffered from the stress too.

But, if I don't come off...do I really want to risk that 1 in 1000 chance of a problem??

I have a call in to my ped to talk to him about it....and I will be talking to Dr. D about it on Monday at my next check-up.

Anyone in my position who might have some guidance on this???

On autopilot...

I will post a meaningful post soon...eventually...

Kinda on autopilot right now. Chris gifted the entire family his latest cold over the weekend...and I spent all day Saturday with a temperature that kept going back up between 100.4 and 101.0 degrees. We actually had to break down and call the doctor because even with Tylenol, it kept going back up in three hours (never had a fever in PG before). So, I was okay'ed to take the Tylenol every three hours to keep it down...

Can I tell you how much I am coveting Hubby's motrin right now???

...And NyQuil?

...And, DayQuil?

I honestly can't remember anymore when the last night of good sleep I had was... Maybe Wednesday? Last week? Not sure.

The pregnancy-related aches and pains are getting to me now... Never had anything like this with Chris because he positioned himself so high up (sure missing those feet in the ribcage now!). But, this one has taken residence much lower...and the combo of not being able to sleep from being uncomfortable from the PG and from the cold is doing me in.

Nothing beats driving in the slow lane on the GSP to get into work...and then try to figure out what the hell I am supposed to be doing here.

Anyone have suggestions to keep my harbinger of germs germ-free??? Or, at least less susceptible to more illnesses? This is getting very old.

However, I did have a very good nurse over the weekend... Nothing beats your almost-four-year-old singing you Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, patting your face, and calling you "hot mommy" when the fever spikes when you are trying to rest. Better than any Tylenol you can take.

...Although, I would much rather be "hot mommy" for other reasons. ;)

How to do right by your child

It has been a long while since I posted any updates on the IEP process (err, fiasco) for Christopher... Mostly that has been because, well, as has been shown in the past, the CST has been less than stellar at keeping on top of things.

Par for the course with this group, right? Or a majority of CST's as I have learned rather quickly.

Anyways, we had a HUGE pow-wow with the CST and other in-district "professionals" a few weeks ago (after waiting for revisions we requested), received a new IEP draft, asked for yet another revision since there are things we wanted specifically written in there (like, how often would the ABA-trained specialist actually be working one-on-one with Chris - kinda important to have in the official document, no?), waited, finally got a new draft last week...

...THEN get hounded for a decision the next day after receiving the document in snail-mail by the SAME CST that has dragged their feet from the start!

So, I played bad-cop - again....because, well, I have yet another cold (with a lovely, husky cough to boot) and I feel like crap. I told them WE will take the time to review the IEP, yet again since their track record for putting things in writing as we want them is not good, and will give them a start date for school when we are good and ready.

Right now, we have an un-official start date of March 11th - to include Tuesday/Thursday/Friday half days in-district and Mondays/Wednesdays half days in his current nursery school for two weeks to get him accustomed to the new school; Tuesday/Thursday/Friday full days in-district and Mondays/Wednesdays half days in his current nursery school for two weeks to get him accustomed to the full days; then total transition to the Monday-Friday week at the new school...with extended school year through July (half days only from mid-June through July with full services).

Meanwhile, we had a private eval done last week through the Lovaas Institute (waiting for the report to come back) because, quite frankly, we are just no longer sure Chris NEEDS a school program anymore.

Let me explain...

1. Chris' speech therapists told us that he is now way above his age level for speech...and that they are giving him assignments that are for kids older than him because he likes the challenge. He masters everything he is given fast - and applies it. Well, I can see what they mean since Chris now has an "opinion" on everything, as well as a crass sense of humor. And, we wanted him to come up to his age level on speech?? What were we thinking?? It is all good - and we are very proud of him.
   
2. He is completely potty trained now...well, kinda 50-50 at night, but I am not worried about that now. He can go out to the store and restaurants and elsewhere in big-boy underwear with no accidents. He tells us when he has to go. He tells his teachers when he has to go at school. The potty-fest of 2008 (aka, Martin Luther King, Jr. weekend where it was potty training, all day and all night) was well worth the large pile of peed underwear I washed. This was a MAJOR issue in the IEP - and, well, it is gone now.
3. All of the O/T and P/T issues that were outlined in his evaluations in...well, October 2007!...are no longer issues now. He was "technically" only 3 months behind on certain things (some because of proximity, like using scissors... Back in my youth, scissors were not a skill acquired until kindergarten!)...and now he is writing letters and numbers. The O/T and P/T was added to load the IEP to get the services in the first place. So, it is no longer necessary.
   
4. He is playing along with other kids in school, at gatherings, telling us stories of what went on at school (like him going to the potty), etc. Starting conversations with people he doesn't know, like waiters/waitresses at restaurants who are serving us.
5. Everything - and I mean, everything including when I try to vacuum (which is NOT a bad thing!) - is "I can do it!", "I wanna do it!", "Let me try!". He is becoming very independent...which makes me sad in a small way, but glad too.
   

The only issue...and really, it depends upon his level of tiredness now...is the hand-flapping. His teacher at school mentioned he rarely does it now...and if he does, it's because of a very special snack or something very exciting going on that day. It's rare now - she used to correct him very often, now it is rather rare. For us, he hardly does it in the car anymore (one of his prime-spots for hand-flapping). The main time we see it is before bathtime, when he is at his most tired (not cranky-tired, just winding down after a busy day tired). But, even then, it is clear he is catching himself - and correcting it himself - which is what we want for him and an excellent sign of progress on his part.

So....so....

Where does this leave us with a school program that we are just not thrilled with in the first place? I don't know. I have some major reservations about the in-district program (the only one that remotely fits his "needs"):

1. We live in "the 'hood" in NJ - the area the school is in has had 2 shootings in the past year. Do I really want my MIL or myself driving Chris to an area like that? Sure, the school itself is secure - but, what happens when he steps outside?
   
2. It is full day...from 9 am - 3 pm. Chris still naps from 1-3 pm. And, quite frankly, what is built into the schedule at that time just doesn't justify his being there...or any of the kids.
   
3. ...And the district will not change it to include part-time.
   
4. The amount of time an ABA trained therapist would be working with him would be 60 minutes a week one-on-one. Well, we can PAY for that on our own with a private therapist.
5. I LOVE that Chris comes home with a sense of faith from a Lutheran nursery school...and it was our plan to send him to Catholic school (which Hubby picked up the application for today for Pre-K 4 for the fall - half days, 5 days a week!).
   

I want what is best for Chris in the long run...but, he does not fit at all into what his evaluations "showed" in the fall. He doesn't stand out from the crowd of kids.

His neurologist felt he would fall off "the spectrum" rather quickly as it was back in August (she is out on maternity leave now...which makes this decision even harder for us to make)...and it appears she is probably right. The impression we got from the evaluator last week is that she really didn't see much of a problem with Chris...

I am not sure what to do here... This is his future that we are making a decision on.

How to celebrate your 35th Birthday in style....

So... I find myself at 20 weeks pregnant today...

Yeah, I can hardly believe it either! But, that is what my FF ticker says...and my doctor's chart. I promise to post a belly pic soon...probably this week. It is amazing how much bigger I am this time around. I LOOK like I am pregnant - never really did until the very end with Chris. So, this is turning into some fun now. :) I.E., I am finally enjoying this PG...especially with the inner-boxing sessions that put my mind at ease.

The "down" side, of course, is I turn 35 years old tomorrow...and officially receive the "Advanced Maternal Age" moniker at the doctors' offices now. Yeah me! I know, a number is a number. But, the new label - although not as bad as Habitual Aborter - is one I never really planned on having...

...But, God doesn't always like plans, now does He?

So, how does one celebrate one's 35 th birthday in style???




Having the in-law's move in, that's how!




Okay, to backtrack a little bit...

My FIL was a very, very sick man starting in 2002.

He is a Type II diabetic - and, for a very long time, chose to ignore it and not care for himself properly. His diabetes has led him to lose feeling in his feet - so, he did always take one precaution as to wear shoes or slippers all of the time.

...Except, of course, one fateful day in the early fall of 2002.

We had finally finished our post-Honeymoon "love nest" (aka, our new, hand-built apartment to save money instead of renting one) on my IL's home in early 2001 - Living room, kitchen, bathroom which added on above my IL's kitchen and bathroom. We kept DH's room growing up (one of the two only bedrooms in the house) as our bedroom (which was all we had for the first few years of our marriage - talk about me being accommodating!), which opened up to the kitchen. It was all we really needed at the time - having children was not really on the radar in the first few years of marriage.

The addition was done on our own - my FIL, DH, myself and anyone else who was handy with a nail gun and drywall helped with demolition and construction. It took a long, long time to get done, as you can probably tell: We married in 10/1998 - and the addition was started shortly before then. It was finally finished in early 2001...and we settled in. And, we thought everything was cleaned up from the construction - all scraps of wood, siding, nails, etc.

Except, we missed some construction staples.

My FIL walked out in the very early Fall of 2002 into the backyard with no shoes on to turn off the pool filter - and he stepped on a construction staple. But, since he had no feeling in his feet, he never felt it....and it remained there for 2-3 days until my MIL noticed it. And, of course, it was already infected - eventually spiraling him into a series of infections, including a massive MRSA infection, which caused him to lose the toes on his right foot. The wound, until just last year, refused to close... So, it has been years of doctors, surgeries, antibiotics, disability, unemployment for my IL's.

...And, years of doctor's bills, inability to pay the bills, and inability to pay the mortgage on the house they owned since 1973.

So, two years ago, a foreclosure notice was given...although never pressed. My FIL was employed by the town as a Lead Abatement Inspector for a federal governmental agency in the Summer of 2005 - and his ability to pay the bills and mortgage came back. So, we thought the house could be saved and the foreclosure lifted...

...But, that changed on January 7th, 2008 - when the mortgage company decided not to play nicey-nicey anymore...and an eviction notice was issued for them to be out by February 8th.

So, after 35 years of owning this home, they have to be out. Our early marriage memories will be gone now...as will all of the memories they have invested in that house. And, there is nothing we can do about it.

Long, drawn-out story, isn't it?

So, the past two weeks has been spent helping them pack/move/store all of their belongings (they plan to be out completely this weekend) - and pack/move/store all of the things DH never cleaned out since we moved into our home around the corner in June 2003.

The past couple of weeks has also been trying to help them figure where to go - move into DH's aunt's house across the street from us for a little while, find an apartment, etc.

My MIL does not want to move into her sister's house - it is very loud and busy and cramped as it is, since DH's grandmother is also living there (she had moved into our old apartment when we bought her house in 2003). BUT, it would be the most economical move for them to do that - no rent, no utility bills - so they can save money and straighten themselves out financially. Since she doesn't want to do that, that forces them into renting an apartment for $1500 or more (NJ is expensive)...but, that would not allow them to save money, pay bills off. It would force them into renting for probably the rest of their lives.

So (and you can call me a SUCKER later), I got into a discussion with DH about it was a shame we didn't have our third floor (full attic) finished yet - it would be more than enough room for them to live in for 6-12 months, until they could get themselves on their feet again. Living with them again would be a hard adjustment for all, especially with a new baby coming - but, we have done it before with much less room...and we could probably do it again for a short period of time.

I guess, what I am having a hard time justifying is the $$$ they will have to spend on rent - and not be able to save anything.

Anyway, conversation was continued last night with my ILs over for dinner - since my FIL works for the town, he has access to many contractors. And, these contractors can discount the work for him...and get the attic done (insulate, sheet rock, wire, install a small bathroom above the only bathroom in the house, finish/paint) in a fairly quick amount of time.

...The only concession we would make is we would switch our bedroom with Chris' current room since the stairway to the third floor is from our bedroom and, well, do you want your IL's coming through late at night??? Changing the rooms is no big deal - the thought had been there anyway, and the rooms are relative the same size (just different shape).

So, that is how I will be celebrating my 35th Birthday...preparing for construction and the IL's to invade our house for 6-12 months until they can either be in a position to buy something on their own or we can find a real 2-family in a town we would like to settle in a year or so from now (which was a plan we had in mind anyway).

Sound fun?

My therapist is going to have a field day with this tonight at our first session of the New Year!

Great things come in...

...Blue packages.



Yep, you guessed it. I will be outnumbered in my house:






But, we have healthy...growing perfectly on target for 18 weeks, 2 days with ten fingers, ten toes, perfect heart, perfect everything. We are happy....and so relieved, halfway through this pregnancy.

Now, we have to think about names... "C's" and "K's" since that is what we have in our little family. But, we have time for that...and won't decide specifically until he arrives into this world. However, it is a shame I can't reuse "Christopher" since, looking at the u/s pics, this little boy will look just like him (especially in the second pic):







And, here is a pic from when Chris was only six weeks old:



And, at 3 1/2 years old:



The resemblance is rather uncanny...even for siblings.

The one thing, though, that is left for worry is that although my cervix via u/s is nice and closed and measuring perfectly in length, the doctor at the MFM clinic wants me back in for another u/s in two weeks for a re-check. He could see via the u/s "trauma" to the cervix and asked if I had had surgery in the past. When I told him I was induced with Chris (Cervidil and balloon catheter to get to 4 cm's, then Pitocin to get to 10 cm's) and had two d&c's (which requires service dilation), he said it should be re-checked. So, I will be back for another view on 1/24. Thank goodness for insurance...it will be nice to see the little man again.

I think, finally, I can have some comfort in this pregnancy... E2 (or Elvis 2, since we called Chris "Elvis" while pregnant with him because we didn't find out the gender in that pregnancy) is perfect. He is healthy.

I couldn't ask for more, now could I?

Halloween 2007

Figured I would have some fun today (since I am half-asleep at my desk...and I can't seem to concentrate on my work anyway...) and post some Halloween 2007 pics.

Enjoy!

The first pic in full costume.


Ahoy, matey!


Arrrr! Check out my hook!


Uh, ma? Do you think this is big enough for all the candy?


Christopher's class party:


Trick or Treating:


Visiting the Great Pumpkin:


Chris and Angelina:


Chris kissing Angelina:


All right, ma! Enough of the kissing Angelina pictures!


Hubby's Cuban uncle as a Sumo Wrestler:


The "rear view". Smashing, no?


Sumo with Angelina:

Update on Chris' evaluations

Well, Chris' child study team evaluations are finally done - one more step to go (the child study team observing Chris in his nursery school setting this coming Wednesday) before the IEP is finally formed and we begin to review it.

Finally, some progress!

Chris has the child study team evaluation done of Tuesday. In sum, they requested that he have a occupational and P/T done (which happened yesterday) because 1) we had some concerns about some things he does (like how he walks up stairs) and 2) they were afraid that with their findings alone, he might not qualify for services.

Not what we were expecting after weeks of delays and frustrations.

We were told that he is very advanced IQ wise (he was identifying several words on a page and saying what they were; counting above 22; identifying all shapes, colors, etc.). The psychologist said she needed to add the numbers up because he was just getting things correct left and right (and answering quickly). But, he was showing deficits in language that we have been seeing at home (not in vocabulary, but in receptive-expressive language, although there is major improvement from the neurologist and speech evals in August). Of course, he did minimal hand-flapping for them (figures!) - but, was covering his ears at several points. The ear covering is very new (in the past 2-3 weeks) - and we are not sure if that is a noise sensitivity or a "I don't want to listen" sensitivity. They gave us flash cards to use with Chris that shows how actions work (like putting a hot dog on a stick, heating the hot dog over a fire, then eating it) to help him, since that seems to be the primary speech deficit area.

The occupational and P/T eval done yesterday also showed very borderline for needing services - basically, he cannot cut with scissors, string beads, button buttons, open a Tylenol-like bottle...but, I never thought a three year old should be doing that stuff anyway! I don't recall learning how to use scissors until I was in kindergarten. And, quite frankly, I am not sure I want him knowing how to open bottles like that yet! It was really up to us on whether an occupational and P/T recommendation got in to the report - and, I told them to add it. He is a total of 6 months behind for his age - which is something he could easily catch up on with just increasing our home time of them. But, I would rather see things addressed now, instead of using a "wait and see" attitude. I was given recommendations to help - mainly, bring him to as many parks as possible to play and to use some simple which I copied for the grandmas'.

Oh, and we did find out how much Chris LOVES trampolines!

We're in trouble with that one!

He does need some help - but, it does not appear to be that much...at least, that is what the child study team is letting on.

We took him to a new speech therapist on Tuesday - she is much closer and also specializes in autism-spectrum disorders (she works at a specialized school that ranges from K-12). She knows what he needs (how to categorize actions and how to help him play with others in a more "natural" fashion - right now, he seems to have "rehearsed" ways of communicating). He really liked her - and so do I! She actually answered on question we could not find an answer on: What do we do with Chris' hand flapping? She suggested that not to stop it completely, but try to get him to modify it to something more socially appropriate (which he is doing already - flapping with his hands at his sides, more out of view) - and, once he gets that idea of adaption, then we can begin to get rid of it completely through speech. Since he has already made one modification naturally on his own, he is getting the idea - and using his speech more.

So, this should be a good fit for him.

Now, the child study team wants to observe him in his nursery school setting to see how he responds in class and with the other kids, especially because his teacher there has noted a marked improvement over last spring. So, that will take place this Wednesday.

After that, we hope to have the recommendations and an idea of placement and IEP.

I am just hoping that part of the process goes a little smoother than the first. If not, we have a friend who is an attorney who specializes in education - who knows the background of all of the delays and is willing to help us out.

And, why were we pushing for an eval for Christopher??

Sunday morning:

Chris: "Take the drink out of your ear." (If you watch the Wonder Pets, you will get the reference)

FIL: "Take the drink out of your ear."

Chris: "Uh, what'd you say?"

Today:

Mom: "Chris, I made your noodles for lunch. After that, we will have dessert."

Chris: "Oh. the suspense is killing me!"

....And, why exactly have we been pushing for the Child Study Team evaluations, finally set for tomorrow morning??? They are going to think WE have a screw loose!

Wish us luck tomorrow... Tomorrow morning's eval will determine the program he will be in.

I will be back to finish the vacation posts...and a great post about our Day Out with Thomas trip over the weekend...

Have had it up to here with incompetance!

You know, we have been working so, so hard to get the things Chris needs for his PDD-NOS diagnosis, I feel like we are just banging our heads against the wall - and no one is listening.

I have just about had it.

When we returned from vacation, Hubby called the CST on 9/10 to find out what the hell was going on - from the post Our progress with getting Chris into the correct program, we all know our town is in violation of state law for getting this process done. We thought we were making progress - we had our initial meeting with the CST on 9/13. We went over our concerns, what eval tools would be used, what kind of program we were looking for, inclusion for Chris with peers, etc., etc. It seemed we were all on the same page - and we were told that Chris would be the first child evaluated, and it would be either 9/18 or 9/25.

Then, we heard nothing about 9/18...

And, our town is not closed for Rosh Hashanah...

So, Hubby called again yesterday - and the eval date then turned into either or about 9/25, 10/2 or a little later in the month of October.

Uh, excuse me???

So, I told him to call them back and ask why??? I told him that 1) NO WAY is this eval going past 9/25 - why are we waiting after their fuck-up; 2) I want to know WHY the date got pushed back and 3) make it clear to them that if something doesn't happen soon and if Chris has to wait until January to be placed, there will be legal action.

Their response?

Well, they are in the middle of moving their offices (which, I would have LOVED to have seen any signs of that since I saw no boxes packed or things down from cubicles when we were there last week) and some budget issues with the state.

Know what???

NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM!!!

So, I am waiting for a call back from the Interim Director of the CSTs in our town - if I get no response this afternoon, I am going above her head, and so on.

This is just ridiculous - and Chris is the one waiting for services. I can't believe what a mess this is turning into.

Chris started private speech therapy last week - and, although he is doing well in it, I am rather concerned about the place and the therapist. Apparently, they have a neurologist in the practice now - and her group is making LOTS of noise, right through his therapy session. My MIL called me earlier to say how unpleased she was about it because the therapist said he was distracted by the noise.

Uh, wouldn't you be too? Without PDD-NOS???

So, my MIL is going to sit in on the session Thursday - and, if it just as bad, I will be calling the therapist while looking for a new place.

The good thing is - Chris' hearing is 100% fine. We had the test done on Thursday, which he was not really pleased with. What a test THAT was!

Is it really, really that hard to do a freakin eval??? Really?

Hubby is calling a friend of his - who we forgot was an education attorney. We're going to see what he says to do now...

UPDATE: The CST finally called and we are a go for Chris' eval on 9/25 - finally!

Our progress with getting Chris into the correct program

This road of PDD-NOS has been already a bumpy one - not necessarily for Chris, but for us trying to get him the help he needs now.

We obviously have the diagnosis - and now have the actual report from the doctor. It was actually quite positive overall, with one or two things we don't agree with (but, we are not fighting it either because really, it was what he did at the time in the "sterile" setting). She feels that, with the right program now, he may very well not need any services by age 5. That was good to see in print - that we were not imagining she said it.

We also now have a speech and language evaluation - we had that done privately on 8/17. Overall, it too was a positive report. We know what we have to work on (expressive and receptive language, which spills over into his ability to carry on a conversation well) and have their recommendations for how many sessions a week would be appropriate (3 individual sessions in-school, 1 session in-school with another child for reinforcement, and 2 sessions with the speech center). He starts his sessions on 9/11 when we return from vacation, with the recommendation of continuing therapy for about a year (at which time they will reevaluate because they don't feel he will need more than that). Until then, the evaluator gave us some useful things to do at home with him, which we are ALL doing - and Chris is actually responding well to the changes.

Chris goes for a hearing test on 9/13 - his first one. Yipes!

We have inquired about private services with a disabilities center through the University I work for (have a phone conference with them on 9/11), with the Lovass Institute (we are setting up an in-home eval now), and another university near us - all centers provide home-based sessions for children, and parent training so we know what we are doing.

The nursery school teacher Chris had in the spring will be helping us as well in-class until we can get him into an appropriate program for the long term - we just have to provide her with a letter, signed by us, stating what she can and can't do (basically, allowing her to turn his chin toward her if he choses not to respond to her verbally). So, at least, until we get him into the right program, someone is willing to help on the "school level."

We have read so much, inquired so much through contacts of contacts - we have more to do, but feel we that, thus far, we are doing something. He is trying to say more, is visibly trying to stop himself from hand flapping a lot of the time already, and in the instances of certain toys that really provoke the behavior, those are now removed until we re-introduce them later to try again. He is trying to engage other kids at the playground now, instead of just watching them play, or him "inspecting" the playground.

So, all of the positives we were able to get done in two weeks now leads us to the school system...

....The severely fucked up school system....

Guess what????

Take a good guess????




...No, they didn't lose the paperwork we completed on July 9th. Thank goodness for that since we were never FURNISHED with that, after several requests for it (my bad for not asking in person - I always ask for stuff like that!).




...They forgot to enter him into the system!!!

You know what that means???

We could have had most if not all of the evaluation process done by now!

Hubby found that out yesterday when he called like a raving lunatic. The lady on the phone found the paperwork - and also found it was never entered, stated that she very well knows they are in violation of State law now (we should have been contacted within 20 calendar days of 7/9 to begin the eval process....it's more like almost 60 now!), and is going to "expedite things."

Damn right, they are!

So, I faxed over this morning a 15-page fax with a three page cover letter stating all WE have done on our own so far (and what the child study team has not), what evaluations we had, what programs we have already looked at, a request for all forms to be faxed to us, for a list of all of the programs available be faxed to us for our review and a demand that his evaluation be done ASAP. We even said that we will come back from vacation to get these evaluations done and we wanted a very specific answer by tomorrow.

Hubby was going to call this afternoon to roll heads again (it does pay to be married to an attorney from time to time....especially when he can twist things to get a better response than I can), just to make sure his file is not collecting dust.

What a headache! I was already nervous about Chris being in this school system - now I am terrified. I can't believe that we have to hold their hands through this - when they do it all of the time.

To say we are disgusted already with the town's educational system is putting it mildly.

Keep your fingers crossed this part finally gets off the ground... I do not want to see him having to wait until January to get into a school-based, integrative program!

Just when we think we have all our ducks in a row...

....Everything shifts.

Yep, that was the quote for today's Women Who Do Too Much calendar.

....And, ain't it the truth in my world. Humphh.

Well, I'll post later today about where we stand with helping Chris work through and overcome his issues... We have found some very wonderful people to help us - and have also hit some major stalls in the process too (AKA - our school districted fucked up BIG TIME!!). It has been a bumpy ride already.

Illusions of normalcy

Someone from a buddy group of mine sent me a really sweet e-mail over the weekend (besides the comments posted here - thank you all for your kind words) that really affected me - but not in the way I think she had hoped it would:

"I just wanted to say that I really admire the way you are handling the situation. I'm sure it's not easy, but so many parents fall apart or go into some sort of denial that their child has any sort of problem."

You see, I have a much better facade than most people think...

I rarely fall apart in public. Or, to family and friends. Or, to the Hubby. Although, as my boss has mentioned to me, my body language is usually what rats me out eventually...

I choose to suffer in private most of the time - which is what probably triggered the anxiety issues of the past. I don't like to cast my sorrows, fears, anxieties onto anyone else...although I am not afraid to have anyone cast theirs on me.

Guess I have learned martyrdom or stoic-ness well.

I know, logically, Chris' prognosis with PDD-NOS will be good. He is very smart, very affectionate, very willing to interact with others and be a normal little boy. He just needs some help to stop the behaviors that make him "different" and to help him to verbally express himself (which will, in turn, also help him to stop the behaviors that make him "different"). The doctor herself feels that, with the right services now, he will do extremely well.

...And, I know that we have a great support system. Everyone wants to learn what will be his new routines (although someone in particular in that mix needs a blow to the head every once and a while as a reminder that she doesn't know it all). Everyone wants to help beat the challenges he faces.

...And, I also know that eventually he will have the right services to address his needs. I just need the right combination of persistence and patience.

But, the problem is for me right now, besides getting Chris into the programs that he needs to be in, is the impact this diagnosis is going to make on the things that I WANTED for my life.

Very selfish...isn't it??

But, you see, from when I was a little girl, all I ever, EVER wanted out of my life - more than my education, more than my health, more than the things I could acquire in my lifetime - was to have a great marriage, a loving family, to have to two or three children to make my family "complete" and to be able to stay at home with those children and raise them myself.

I do have a great marriage - to a kind man who is willing to put up with my moods and irrational moments, and to support me when I need it most. I can even forgive the pigsty he would have no problem living in, if I weren't on his butt to clean up all of the time.

And, I do have a loving family - especially a son who means more than everything to me. Chris is the best thing in my life - which is driving me so much to get him in the right place, with the right services.

But...

But...

I have already had to sacrifice not being home with Chris. I had to work because of the second mortgage we have hanging over our heads - AKA, Hubby's law school loans (for a career that, quite frankly, he never wanted - it was his parents...er, his mother's...prodding for that). And, I had to work because Hubby just wasn't making enough to cover our expenses (i.e., credit card bills he accumulated in said law school that he hated). And, we needed the insurance coverage - of course, now more than ever.

But...

But...

Now I am getting hit with the fact that, in addition to being cheated out of my time home with Chris - MY chance to be the full time mother, caregiver, educator, boo-boo healer - I probably will never have another living child nor will I get the time at home with any child.

That really, really hurts.

With the real prospect of having to move to a better town with a much better school district vs. the original plan to put Chris in catholic school and stay where we are for a while (until we could save to move), that just about kills any idea of another child... I just don't see how we can afford another child now.

Besides, my chances are not that good as it is, with all of the medical crap I have going on.

And, Chris' health has to be our first priority.

I am trying not to host a pity-party - that won't help Chris in any way. But, the thought of him being an only AND me never having had the time with him at home except for the 2 months of maternity leave when he was a new born just burns a huge, gaping hole in my heart.

I am so, so glad that my mom and my MIL have had time with Chris - that is time they can always cherish, and build a great relationship on as Chris gets older. But, I just feel like I am a part-time parent. I get visitation rights on evenings, weekends and holidays. And, when I have him, there are other things that have to get done too - cook, clean, upkeep the house that we have to upkeep more to try to sell.

...All the while, Chris asks me to "Sit right here!"

That request to play and be happy with him rings in my ears every day. I don't always just get to sit and play. I have laundry to do, dishes to wash, floors to vacuum....things that I could be doing as he naps during the week days when I could have been home.

I know there are women who thrive on the challenge of it all - being a full time mom and a full time professional. I am glad that they can balance it all - and be happy. But, I can't. I don't. I would much rather be neck-deep in sand with Chris or vacuuming while he naps than having to arrange things for people who are going to bitch no matter how well you do it.

You know, I just feel like my God - the one I CHOSE to follow when I was 16 years old, back when I thought things were "hard" with my parents not getting along and school being challenging - really, really let me down. I have prayed so hard - not for monetary things, but for health, for another child, for time with Chris, for Chris' happiness and health, for a good marriage, for patience to let things come to us when they should and in God's time - so hard until my knees were red and numb.

Did he answer? No, not that I can really see that well right now.

Maybe I am expecting too much. Or, my prayers are misdirected in some way. Or, I just lost my faith completely now...thinking it was back when the Gods of Lexapro were in the house.

But, when I took my marriage vows almost nine years ago, I promised so many things - including and especially accepting children from God. Did I do something wrong? I am here, waiting - hands waving high enough, clenched so hard they are turning red - for those children God asked us to accept into our hearts to come.

For some reason, I am passed over. And, as I an passed over, Chris gets whacked with challenges he now has to face at such a young and innocent age, and three other children got called back too soon...were not given a chance to be here with us.

Is it too much to ask for one more child to love? To care for? To want to do anything for?

I mean, I knew friends in college who went home with a guy - every weekend after a party, and not necessarily the same guy. They didn't care about their grades. Didn't care about themselves, their dignity or self-worth. They partied hardy, and lived life on the edge. But, they now have at least two children - no problems getting pregnant, no problems staying pregnant. I knew people who got into all kinds of trouble - alcohol, whatever - and they had no problems having children, even down to the ones that the "didn't want." Even my own sister and brother have 6 children among them - and they were the ones who got into all of the trouble when we were young. Did I not whore around enough? Do I not have enough garbage in my background to now teach my children by example now? Do I not have enough lessons to teach?

Or, is it the other end of the spectrum? Was I not virtuous enough like the Dugger's to be able to give birth like bunnies and have a pack of children? Should I have not used curse words at all? Should I have not had a beer in college? Should I have not given the finger to the guy who almost took the front of my car off with Chris in the car? Should I have given more to the Salvation Army collection at Christmas time?

Yes, I am angry. And frustrated. And disappointed. This is NOT where I wanted my life to be - or Chris' life either - right here and right now.

What did I do wrong?

At the very least, God could have answered one prayer and left Chris alone - kept him perfectly happy and healthy. Why does he have to face these challenges now?

Why couldn't God have allowed me to protect the one precious, living child I was able to have?

It just doesn't seem fair.

Maybe, as Chris gets into the appropriate services, and he begins to improve, I will feel a little bit better about things. Come back to reality a bit more. Think a little more clearly and logically. There are so many things left unanswered right now because we are still waiting for the township's child study team to start their evaluation...all of my worries and upsets and anxieties are based on the things we don't know yet.

But, for right now, I am bitter and angry - not just because of the things that I feel robbed of, but because I couldn't shield Chris from this. I feel like I let him down. I couldn't protect the only living child I have from something that could affect his entire lifetime.

I feel like I have failed terribly at my vocation in this life.

Re-evaluating current priorities (Updated)

Well, I am going to have to re-evaluate my current priorities on TTC... I think at this point, Chris needs my undivided attention now more than ever. This means, of course, that I am probably going to have to put off TTC again (and, no, I have not heard back from Dr. D's office yet **UPDATED BELOW** - I am aggravated, but it is not high on my check-list today).

First off, I can honestly say our pediatrician really, REALLY let us down, and we are very unhappy. Hubby and I are very much in agreement that we will be finding a new one soon (certainly before he needs to go for his next check up at 4 years old). We have for the past year been concerned about his speech (not being able to express himself clearly) and some behaviors he has been displaying (hand-flapping or jumping when excited, not always responding when he is addressed) - every time we brought it up with the pediatrician, we were told to wait - it was probably nothing and he would catch up. They (it is a practice of two) assured us it was not Autism or autism-like disorder since he was very affectionate and was not regressing in speech (just a little behind).

So, we waited - we enrolled him in that nursery school program in February - he improved, but not to the point at what he should be doing verbally for 3 years old.

We went against their recommendations of waiting again in May at his 3 year check up and scheduled the neurological evaluation (we at least got the referral for a neurological eval back in May!). His appointment was this morning - which was a loooong time from May, but the earliest appointment we could get.

Chris was officially diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified this morning. It is an Autism Spectrum disorder, but the doctor told us it is not Autism or Asperger's specific.

The doctor was very positive about his potential - his gross/fine motor skills are very age-appropriate, he has not regressed in any way verbally, he is affectionate, smart, curious, funny, knows his shapes/letters/numbers/colors, happy. We just have to work on getting his speech in line with his age and teach him the appropriate venues for expressing himself. She feels that if we can really work on addressing this now and fast, that he may very well fall out of the diagnosis by the time he his 5 years old.

We are glad, so GLAD, someone has finally listened to us - and given us the path to helping him and helping him now. It is very frustrating when you know your child is a smart, good child but there is something holding him back and no one is willing to help.

So, when I got in to work today, my afternoon has been spent setting up his hearing test (for 9/10 - and, no, our pediatrician NEVER told us he should have one by age 3 anyway!), trying to see if the Child Study Team in our town's Board of Education could move along his eval (we registered him in early July and of course, they can't move up his eval, so we have to wait until mid-September for that - which delays us in getting him in to any specialized program), calling other centers suggested by the neurologist to at least address his speech until we can get him through the district, calling in personal favors (i.e., my boss' wife who knows the director of a particular speech center at another local university) to help fast track other avenues of help, and research the ABA recommendations so we can at the very least work with him on our own better than how we have been this past year.

So, I think it may be in Chris' best interest if we wait again to TTC for now - just a couple more months, until we get him in the right programs to help him on his way. We are setting up so many appointments now for him anyway, I am just not sure there is time to even TRY the monitoring for an IUI. Hubby and I still have to talk about that tonight...there wasn't time this morning since we both had to get in to work.

I will call Dr. D, though, tomorrow - today is surgery day (he is rarely in on surgery Tuesday) and since I got no phone call back yesterday, it is pretty clear Liz did NOT talk to him yet. So, I will call around 10 am tomorrow morning (when Lee, the good nurse, usually is the only one answering phones) and see what I can get.

I am not sure I can justify TTC right now with Chris just starting out on his path to a better future...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE: Lee (the nice nurse) called me back a few minutes ago. Dr. D had suggested just starting Clomid and doing an u/s in a week to see where things were. I told her that I really wasn't comfortable with that plan - I would personally like to see a new cycle start and try to verify that no scarring has developed from the d&e/d&c's done. She mentioned that sometimes he does let patients go about a month past the last Provera pill to see if something will start - but, she said to call in a week (and ask for her - yeah!) if I still don't have my period. We will then go from there.

I am okay with that, for now, since Chris has to be our first priority right now - and I told her that. So, it is an update and a temporary answer...we'll see if anything happens over the next week.

The Tale of the Over-Achieving Carseat

Luckily for me, the University has an 0n-campus car-seat inspection/installation center that is open twice a week, ever week. It is run by the Campus Police - and is open to all Middlesex County residents and University employees/affiliates. I am sure they take others outside of these parameters too. It's great to have - I can stop over lunch and have Chris' seat inspected.

I have a 2004 Subaru Forester - my car-like SUV that has been great for hauling stuff around without being so huge, I can't drive it. I used to have Chris' car seat behind the driver's seat - easy access for me to him, and easier to get him in and out of the car. But, I had Chris' carseat re-installed in the center position over the winter because 1) I thought he would like the view better and 2) quite frankly, it is the safest position in the car. However, the change was not well received by Chris - actually, he rather dislikes it. And, it has become quite the challenge when trying to haul things like plants from the nursery, supplies from Lowes, etc. Hubby takes the seat out, "re-installs" it himself (and I use that term loosely), then Chris is riding unsafely. So, to make our lives easier, I had to take Chris' car seat over again today to have re-installed.

Our carseat is an over-achiever - it is the Britax Regent 5-point restraint carseat the holds up to 80 pounds. Since Chris is 47 pounds now at 3 years old - and was rather big at 2 years old when we bought the seat - we figured a carseat with a longer time with the 5-point restraint would be the best. We spent the $350+ dollars for this seat - and it is a champ:



The only downside to this seat is that, when I go over to the carseat inspection station, the techs go running! Literally.

The main tech, who has installed Chris' old seat and this one several times always kids me when I get there. He asks me if I am trying to force him into taking heavy anxiety meds. Unfortunately, he was not there today, so I got to harass techs I have never seen before with the carseat.

Muuhaahahahhhahahahha!

I arrived at the installation center around 3 pm - left around 3:45 pm. I didn't have to wait in line or anything - it just took them that long to install it.

Poor guys.

It took two techs - one of which is a University police officer and head carseat installation instructor for the center - to finally install it correctly. One of them was sitting in the seat in order to put enough pressure on it to lock in place. They certainly worked up a sweat - but were very gracious about the struggle to get my carseat over-achiever installed so there was no wiggle or looseness.

I told them that they probably won't see me until I need another seat installed - and I don't mean Chris'. Wishful thinking, no?

I am not sure how long Chris will really need this seat - he's 3 years old, 47 pounds and 40 inches tall. I am sure he would be okay to be in a standard booster seat. But, ya know, he is all I have right now - and, maybe it is over-protective of me, but I want him in that seat. I know he is not going to pull the belt off him while driving, he will stay put (God forbid) if there was a crash. The seat goes up to 80 pounds - I am sure he will be too tall for it before he reaches that weight.

But, I just have a better peace of mind with him in that seat.

What the hell am I going to do when he's about to drive on his own???

Christopher Fridays: One of the reasons I want to do this all over again

Dawn over at Back to Square One mentioned in her 10 Months post on May 19th

"Sometimes I still can't believe they are mine."

Well, I was home sick yesterday (with Christopher's cold from last Friday), and I had one of those rare instances where I could really sleep in. When I woke up to take my DayQuil, I got to gaze at this...

...very happily...





This time reminded me of this pic:



...one of the first I took of him sleeping peacefully in with us.

Makes me wonder what this pic will look like when Chris is 15 years old and big enough to be a quarterback... Yipes!

There ARE times when I still can't believe he is mine.

...And, this is one of the reasons I am willing to put myself through so much to do it all over again.

The things they never tell you when TTC a child

It is 7:09 am...

Wanna guess what I am doing right now???

Take a guess...

Well, okay, okay, besides posting here...

...And watching GMA...

Oh, and updating my FF chart (can you believe AF is on her way again! WooHoo!)...

It won't be what you think...







Did you know there are over 3,000 ways posted on Google to remove the glue from the label on a 2 liter soda bottle???

Yep, I am trying to remove that freakin' glue from the label of a 2 liter soda bottle right now...

Oh, now, and at 11:00 pm last night...

Aaaand, not to mention, several parts of the day on Monday...



What in the hell does Coca Cola and Pepsi USE on these freakin bottles??? Why can't Band-Aids stay on like this???

I have soaked this fucking bottle in Dawn and hot water, used nail polish remover, pure acetone, Skin-So-Soft....and my MIL just suggested peanut butter (the chunky kind!). It is FINALLY coming off!

I feel like I have carpel tunnel syndrome now.


This is for a NURSERY SCHOOL project for Chris! A two-day a week nursery school! I just CAN'T WAIT for kindergarten!

Ah, the things no one tells you when you are TTC a child...

Anyone got any other stories like this?

Major, MAJOR rant ahead about unwarrented "advice"

Well, I have a major rant to post... And, luckily for anyone reading this today, I have had about 24 hours to calm down about it - so, the language should be a little less, well, colorful today.

Hubby and I are trying to improve the outside of our house by doing different gardening projects each weekend (yes, yes, I am still going to post about Mommy's Garden...eventually...). so, of course, projects like this require multiple trips to gardening centers, home improvement stores, etc., etc. Yesterday morning, our "mission" was to get additional mulch for the garden, look at new sheds and buy railroad-tie-like pieces of wood to designate the flower beds that we are planting in the front and side of our house. Easy trip, no? Well, yes...




...Until you run into someone you don't even know who has "advice" to offer....on something COMPLETELY unrelated to gardening!

When we arrived at Lowe's, we managed to find one of those nifty race-car carts - Chris loved it the second he saw it (usually the are all taken - we stalked a family who was leaving for it), grabbing the play steering wheel before we could get his feet inside the cart. Once we got him buckeled in, I put his travel bag next to him (the cart is designed for two kids), gave him his drink and told Hubby to head into the store - I would follow as soon as I looked at the flowers outside the store (I was looking for additional Aster's). I looked around a bit, didn't see the Aster's, then decided to go inside to find the boys...

As I entered the garden center, this older woman stops me and asks, "Was that your son with your husband in the cart?"

Uh, well, could have been mine I suppose... There were A LOT of families in the garden center at eleven o'clock in the morning!

So, I resonded with "I suppose, although there are a lot of husbands with kids in the store right now. Why?"

"Oh, sure, well, is your son autistic?" she asked.

My jaw literally hit the floor. I was looking around quickly for a stong shovel to pick it up!

What the HELL kind of question is that to ask someone when 1) she isn't sure the child she is talking about is even mine and 2) she doesn't know us!

I asked her, "So, why exactly do you think he has autism?"

She responded, "Well, my neice's son is autistic. Your son was doing a behavior that her son displays."

Now, I know what behavior she is talking about - that is the hand flapping he does when he gets excited. But, hand flapping is a SECONDARY sign, not a primary. I have read several resources for signs (not to mention, I did study childhood psych in college...): His verbal HAS NOT regressed (he is improving constantly, although is still a little behind for his age), he is MORE THAN affectionate, he looks you right in the eye when spoken to or addressed, he follows commands easily...the list can go on. So freakin' what if he hand flaps when he gets excited! There is a HELL of a lot to see in a garden store, moron!

And, since starting nursery school, that behavior is getting less and less prominent...

So, still trying to shake the shock a bit, I asker her, "Uh, just how old do you think my son is?"

She responded, "Oh, four or five?"

"Try, he just turned three just two weeks ago."

"Oh, well."

"And," I replied, "my son is not autistic."

"Oh, sorry. I just wanted to try to give you some advice," she responded.

I walked away after that and went into the store to find my well-behaved, happy to see me son. If I had not, I probably really would have laid into her in the middle of the store.

What the HELL was this woman thinking? Does she go up to children in wheel chairs and ask their parents "was this from birth or a car accident?" Who is she to give advice based on her neice's son being autistic? I don't need her - a complete stranger - to give me advice on autism when I know people who's children are. If I had questions, I would turn to them and our doctors, not a stranger.

Who in the hell does she think she is???

I can't imagine what other families go through when their child is in fact autistic, or have other disabilities. People are so freakin stupid....in the "name" of "intelligence."

Now, I am waiting for an eval to be done - for speech - in August (that is a whole other rant...). This is a full neurological eval since that is what my ped wants first. If, and I say IF, the do find he is on the spectrum, then we will address it. But, I highly doubt he is - he just needs a push with his speech.

But, it is NOT this woman's business if he IS!

On a humorous note, a friend of ours stopped over at our house later on in the day (well after this incident) and he said it was too bad I didn't think fast enough on my feet. I asked him why, and he said I should have said to her:

"No, my son isn't autistic. But, I have Tourette's - FUCK YOU!"

Too bad I didn't think of that.