Longing....and dread

We went out for dinner on Friday night - for my friend's birthday, which is today. She wanted to go out for Mexican (not realizing, of course, that it was Cinco-de-Mayo!). Turned out to be a great place...after the 45 minute wait to get seated.

A few other couples were supposed to go with us...one dropped out because the hubby forgot to mention the dinner during the week and the wife made other plans. The other couple brought their daughter because the hubby also mentioned it last minute and they couldn't get a babysitter.

G is a beautiful little girl - very well behaved, bright, funny. And, the entire dinner, all I could think about was how much I would have liked to be picking out pink right now for the baby I just lost. I have to admit how cheated I feel right now...and how sad I am. I wanted a girl in the mix... I never thought I would feel this way...

...And, now that everything is place for the big b/w to come on Tuesday, I am beginning to dread going. What if something is found? What if nothing is found? How is that going to impact what we decide to do in trying to conceive again? How am I going to handle the news either way?

I am waiting for the day that I am past the worry...