Monday, November 22, 2010

Five years ago today.... world was breaking apart.

I was going through my second miscarriage today - well, at the time, I thought my first. I can't believe five years has already passed. It still feels, in many ways, like it was yesterday. And, here I sit, no one on my real life remembering, what this day means to me.

And, today, the day has been just as hectic and void of sanity as it was five years ago. But, that is another story I will save for much later.

Although I am so very grateful for what I have today, my heart still breaks for what never could be. I love my angels with all of my heart and soul, and still mourn all of the "what if's" that will never be fulfilled and realized. I wonder what my angel would be doing now...what Chris and my angel would be like together.

But, for what little time you were in my life, I know I could not be here as I am today without your short time. I needed you as you were...not what you should have been or could have been. You changed my life for the better, and for that, I am grateful. Someday, Chris and Gabriel will find out about you...and know more. For now, I will light my candle tonight for you and hold you in my heart for a while...

I love you, little one...