Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Upcoming "Terraversary" next week

A week from today, I will be facing the last terraversary (a la Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters - thanks, Mel, for the use of the term) that I hope I have to face on my journey to a second child. March 21st will be 1 year from my last miscarriage - the loss of my baby girl.

Now, I have finally become able to accept my life and the experiences that have gone with it - it has been one long road and I have a little more to go, but at least I am no longer falling apart. For example, we went to a friend's house for a St. Patrick's Day bash (early because of the big Belmar parade that day) and the hosts announced they were having their third child in October. She is one of those "I look at her and she gets knocked up" type of women -- actually, she and her three sisters all have honeymoon babies, so they are a super-fertile bunch of women! But, I was very much okay with the news - no anxiety attack, no jealousy. They really cherish their children, and they are so sweet. Hubby asked me later in the car of I was okay with the news - and, for the first time in a very long time, I truly was okay with the news. That is a huge step.

On my way in to work this morning, I listened to probably the most perfect song to sum up my journey thus far to child #2. This song is not what you would expect from some of the former members of Guns'n'Roses. But, it really hits how I have spent the past almost two years of TTC again.

I am no longer falling to pieces... I am really ready to try again, and for the right reasons. And, I hope that when the time is right to try again, I remember where my journey has brought me and try not to let it go there again.

Fall To Pieces
by Velvet Revolver

It's been a long year
Since you've been gone
I've been alone here
I've grown old
I fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

I keep a journal of memories
I'm feeling lonely, I can't breathe
I fall to pieces, I'm falling
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling

All the years I've tried
With more to go
Will the memories die
I'm waiting
Will I find you
Can I find you
We're falling down
I'm falling


Val said...

ooh ooh I love Guns-n-roses. (as I sing "welcome to the jungle" in my head). Great song. And good news on being okay with your friend's announcement. You've come a long way!

Adrienne said...

I'm so sorry that you have a terraversary soon. The dates of the miscarriages and the due dates are the worst, aren't they?

And it's wonderful that you're in that acceptance place now. I'm envious. You are one strong lady.

di said...

I will be thinking of you this week, I bet you will be Ok, maybe a lil sad but you are ready for a happy start :) HUGS

Jessica said...

I am so sorry, I will be thinking of you, I could only imagine how hard it is. :hugs:
May you find some peace.