Thursday, March 01, 2007

Happy Blogaversary!!!

Well, today's post marks one year of writing and blogging...which is a huge feat for me! As I have said before here, I am not a writer - especially my own baggage. But, this has been a very theraputic process for me now, and I am glad I stuck with it for a year. Guess we will see where this leads me...

My mood and outlook has certainly changed so much over the past few weeks - between the counseling, the meds and the relaxation (yoga and guided imagery), people on the "outside" are starting to tell me I am more cheerful, more relaxed, funnier again.

For example, on Tuesday before I left for the day and work from home the next, I realized we had two reports due on Friday to the NSF. As background, the NSF changed their protocol in December (of course, without notifying us first) on when reports are due - so, now we can no longer submit a report before its' due date. And, we have a three month window of when we can submit the report: either on its' due date or within three months of the due date so it is not considered late (which, in essence makes the later date the real due date....gotta love the federal goverment for this one!). So, I sent out a reminder to two of our Associate Directors that we needed to scramble to get the reports done. But, for some reason, the date didn't seem right - and when I checked again, I realized we had 3 months from Friday to submit the report. I resent the message saying to disregard the first message.

First thing I noticed is that I didn't freak out when I first thought the reports were due on Friday. I was like, oh well. They will get done when they get done.

Then, I get the following in my e-mail from one of the Associate Directors:
"Good! The new Chris, light in weight, light of heart."
So, people are noticing the changes.

I like this particular Associate Director's outlook on life: "Is anyone sick or dying? No? Then, why freak out about it."

That is how I want to live my life now - in the now, not fretting over things I just can't change. I think I am starting to really get it.


Adrienne said...

That's wonderful - do you really ascribe the new outlook to the yoga and meditation? I've promised myself I would try that for years now, but haven't made it a priority - and by so doing, guaranteed that it wouldn't happen. I think I need to make them a priority now. I could definitely use some lightening up.

Enjoy your new-found lightness!

Tina said...

Adrienne: I hope you are reading this because I don't see a link to e-mail directly on your blog.

The yoga and guided imagery (I won't say meditation because I have a very wandering mind and traditional mediation would just never work for me!) have helped in part. But, the first step was stopping the symptoms I was having (shaking hands, rapid heartbeat, tight feeling stomach, feeling like I am going to be sick to my stomach) and that was done by Lexapro and Xanex. Once the symptoms overall abated and I was falling asleep and staying asleep, then I had to find ways to be able to control it myself - and that is where counseling, walking, yoga and guided imagery fit in.

In general, I needed to stop putting myself LAST - that is what I have been doing since Chris was born, and way more so since TTC #2, and even more so since my miscarriages. I lost me - and once I found ways to relax (and I mean, all muscles feel loose and calm and I am not thinking about work, cleaning at home, blah, blah, blah relaxed!), the new mindset emerged.

I hope that makes sense to you. If you can find the time to do it - do it. I have lost more than a year out of my life, and although I feel sad about it, I no longer feel guilty about it. It is a HUGE difference.

Joy said...

So nice to read your post today, Tina. My question is, "Is this eternal??" If not, "Don't freak out about it." Same concept, I think.

Val said...

LOL - our saying at our office is "Is anyone dead? Bleeding?" Then it's not an emergency!

Jessica said...

Gla you are doing well. And happy anniversary. I recently passed mine as well, funny I just wrote about it a little. Wonder what the next year of blogging will entail.