Not that I am anywhere near healed from the two losses I have been dealing with, but I do feel like a new version of the 'old me' is slowly emerging... A stronger, more refined version - and I rather like it!
Yesterday morning started out like any other Saturday morning - shower at 6 am, put my face on for the day (or, do my make-up), give Chris his breakfast and play, start some laundry and watch Chris throw a gasket as Daddy heads out for karate class... But, yesterday started to become a different day...
I dropped Chris off at my MIL's and head off for my haircut and highlight...when I got there, Marissa asked me what I had in mind for the highlighting. As we went through the colors and the plan, foil upon foil was added to my head, until I realized that half my hair was in foils, full of hairdye! But, I didn't freak... As she took them off after the baking process was over, I started to see a me that hasn't been here since the end of 2001 - it was a bright, younger, thinner me! After 5 years of my natural, dark, mousy blonde, it was amazing to see how much I missed the color!
So, I set off a few chairs down to Yolanda... She asked what I wanted to do with my haircut - and I told her, whatever it takes to get the hair to fall out of my face. After several expert snips, the cut and color was just PERFECT! It was me again. I could see my thinned our cheekbones again!
Now, I managed to kinda break the bank yesterday ($130+ at the hairdresser - yipes!). I headed home to show off the haircut - Hubby's expression was priceless! Despite the cost, he absolutely loved it! Cool!
We picked up Chris and headed off for our "adventure" to pick up my bracelet... When we arrived, we got out of the car and headed into the Jewelry Exchange. Chris was entralled with the sparkle and the lights...I was entralled with my very special bracelet. It's just perfect...and, just seems so natural to wear...
This charm is for my November angel (edd was 6/27/06):
This charm is for my March angel (edd was 10/30/06):
This charm is for my Chris:
After a few more stops, we headed home for a quite evening - just the three of us.
I know I have a ways to go, but I gained a little peace yesterday. A part of me is back - the more positive, forward-thinking, cheerful part - which I think is going make healing a bit easier to do now. I have a counselor all lined up and will be calling to make the appointment tomorrow. I am ready to bear my soul and move beyond this pain. Finally.
My doc is going to be a little surprised tomorrow when I come in for my follow-up: The old me that was here before I was consumed by TTC and loss. I am set for tomorrow - all my research is done and ready to give him. Now, we just have to wait and see what the future holds...