How does one learn patience when you are used to control?

My follow-up appointment went well relatively well yesterday, although the pathology report from the d&c hasn't come back yet and no tests were started today.

Dr. D didn't want to start any of the recurrent loss testing until we knew my betas were down to zero - otherwise, the results of the tests would end up being invalid and finding answes would take even longer. So, I have to go for repeat betas until I am at zero - which could be between 2-3 weeks. Once that happens, both DH and I go for massive b/w and we wait for everything to come back (which could take 2+ weeks as well). Then, we head in for a consult and put everything out on the table to sort through.

The good news is Dr. D honestly believes that I should have no problems having another healthy PG and baby, even if it turns out to be an issue with the autoimmune disorders my mom has (Polymyositis and Sjogren's Syndrome). He said we know how to manage it (if the antibodies are there but low in number, it would be a baby aspirin every day - if they are high, then probably a heparin injection every day), and with the extra care and treatment, we should be good to go. That is, once we are ready to jump back in.

The not-so-good news is that Dr. D has called this latest loss my 3rd m/c - turns out in printing out all of my charts for him from after Chris was born, I remembered the + HPT I got in 9/04 with my period that followed later that day - he is going to count that as an early m/c, not a chemical. He said, considering what is happening right now, he believes I did get PG and that it ended much earlier than these 2 current m/c's. So, that really puts me at 3 losses now. Not sure what to think of that, since I had buried the whole idea of that + HPT for a year and a half...but, it is a piece of the puzzle, I guess.

It was nice to know that he took what I had found very seriously, and he is going to be pay special attention to that part of the b/w when it comes back. He wants us to take our time and no only heal physically but emotionally. Thank God I made the decision to go with him when the practice split so many years ago - he has been so good to us, not only medically but emotionally. He's just a good egg.

So, now it is time for some patience, which is so very hard when you are used to having some control... But, I hope to learn some of that once I get my fanny into counseling. I found someone to go to, thanks to Dh's aunt, and will be setting the appointment today.

Patience....how do you learn that?