Sunday, April 09, 2006

Dinner with friends

Got an unexpected invite for dinner Saturday night on Friday night from E&T (E is hubby's long-time friend from grammar school and T is his wife). T called at the last minute (around 7:30 pm) and, since we were supposed to get together with K&B Saturday night, I told E I would call her back in the morning because I "though my IL's needed us to do something."

Saturday morning comes and I talk to K (my best friend from college) - turns out she started up with Pink-Eye Friday morning and didn't want to come around Chris and give it to him. We tentatively reschedule for Sunday for a loooong stroll in the park. So, I call T and tell her it's a go for dinner!

Reason I need to mention this dinner in particular is that, although we used to be very close with E&T years ago (they, too, were high school sweethearts, although T is about 3 years younger than us), there was a MAJOR strain on the friendship around E&T's wedding in 1999. Hubby had dated a friend of theirs VERY briefly while (we will call her "J-wacko", which I will explain below) I was away at college (an agreement we had made when I left for my freshman year - we wanted to make sure this was the real thing, KWIM?), and apparently they thought that relationship was "IT" and my coming home from college (in 1995) screwed it up. So, I was put on the "outside" for a little while - but, things had gotten back to normal after that...or, so we thought.

At E&T's wedding (which hubby and I were both in), J-wacko was also there. Whenever she was around, she always made a point to star at me, until you could feel a burning sensation in your back. J-wacko ended up hooking-up with a friend of E's from grad school in South Dakota that night...which ultimately led to a very quick engagement and marriage (more on that later too - this factors into the rebonding of our friendship). After being stared at for hours, I had had enough and hubby and I decided to call the evening over (the wedding took place at 1:30 pm and the reception was over by 6 pm) we decided to leave the after-party around 7:30 pm. This choice was apparently taken offense too...and the fireworks began shortly thereafter that put the strain on the friendship...

E&T believed that I HATED J-wacko and I was the cause of this - which was the farthest from the truth, and took quite a few years for them to realize. Really, I didn't care what hubby and J-wacko did during their relationship - we were free to do what we wanted (within reason, of course - neither of us wanted an STD!) and we had agreed that, if we got back together, neither of us would ask what happened during that time period. It was blatently clear that whenever all of us got together with J-wacko, SHE was the one with the problem - many other people would come up to me later and ask why she was staring at me, even with her fiance there! So, the only ones with the real problem over this were E&T.

Things began to change in 2001-2002...rumblings of a VERY unhappy marriage started to surface for J-wacko and E's friend, who had relocated to Canada after their wedding in 2000. As more and more information started to flow on E's friend's part, the more E&T began to realize it was J-wacko that was the problem in all of this - not me. J-wacko and E's friend divorced in late 2002, early 2003 - and many, many apologies started to flow from E&T to me. I just accepted graciously, and didn't mention it any more. If they bring it up now, I still lie low - no need to rub an "I told you so" in their faces now....they feel bad enough.

Anyways, after all this mess, T and I both started to realize how bad off we were becoming in the TTC department...and as each of us started jumping through hurdles to conceive, the closer we started to become again. She, unfortunately, did not conceive until very early 2005 because it turned out she was diabetic and it had gone undiagnosed for a long time. Her daughter was born the morning after I lost my second angel...I know it was stange for them to call us that morning, right after what we had been through, although it did bring a small bit of peace to know my angel could now watch over their daughter.

Which now brings me back to dinner.... As I said, the invite was very unexpected, but well worth the trip. Visit started out the same as it always does - some playing with the kids, some prep for eating. But, the boys went out to pick up dessert and Chris was napping...and T and I had a chance to talk, which we haven't had a chance to do in a long time. She had some great perspectives for me which, now that I think back on it, really fit into the current picture. Of course she knows that she will never understand how all of this feels - and she never would even try to venture to say that she would - but, her insights really were comforting. Most of all, it was good for me to know that I can count on certain people that I might have never expected I could.

Guess it is sometimes good to take last minute invites.

No comments: