Back to the grind...

...The TTC grind, that is.

The Red Storm should be arriving either Sunday or Monday. At 12 DPO this morning, I am still getting BFN's using FMU. So, I am well aware now that my miracle ovulation didn't produce what I had hoped for. From past experience, I have always gotten a BFP by 12 DPO - so, I know this miracle cycle is a bust. I have no more HPT's left, and I am not buying any more at this point either. Why bother wasting the cash.

I have to move on to the "big guns" now.

I'll be honest - I am disappointed it didn't work this month. I was really hoping that one miracle (the ovulation out of nowhere) would produce another miracle. But, that hasn't happened. I feel cramps starting... I'm WAY moody... And, I had my first pre-period insomnia bought last night. All signs point to AF now. So, I gotta deal with that.

*** ETA: Ugh! I just came back from my 2 mile walk and I am spotting. CRAP! I am just hoping that the witch can wait at least until tomorrow to arrive so that I am at least on CD 3 on Monday when I call Dr. D's office. Dear body: Would you at least give Dr. D one day's warning of a new cycle??? ***

Why cry over spilled milk, right? This was the first cycle TTC after our long TTC break - and it was unofficial anyway. So, there is no point in wallowing over one disappointment. I do remember how it felt to go 18 months without ever seeing a BFP - I would be very hypocritical if I were to act like a baby and bitch about getting a BFN after once cycle. So, I am disappointed, not devastated.

At least I can be happy for the fact that my body figured out what it should be doing... That is a feat that cannot be ignored! I am thrilled with that. I can hope now that Clomid will move up my ovulation day a bit next cycle...from CD 19 to something earlier. We'll see.

I called Dr. D this morning to set up the Clomid/IUI cycle - but, I have to call back on Monday morning because he wasn't in today (my first thought was to call Monday anyway, so I guess I should have listened to myself on that one).

I just hope Dr. D agrees to start immediately this cycle - when I called up and spoke to the nurse (not my usual one, though - this other one doesn't seem to be as "up" on TTC things as Lee is), she wasn't sure if he would start immediately since my last TTC consult was in November 2006. She thought he may want to do another exam and consult first since it has been 6+ months from the last one. But, Dr. D and I had talked after that November TTC consult and agreed that 1) the protocol that we could be using would be up to me (I am agreeing to 2-3 Clomid cycles - starting with 100 mg - with IUI; then moving to injectables at the St. Barnabas IF clinic if these cycles don't work), 2) we can start TTC when I was off Lexapro (last pill is this weekend) and 3) we could start I my Hashi's was under control and I was cleared by Dr. S for TTC again (which I am now).

So, I will know on Monday what will be going on next cycle. If he wants to wait a cycle and haul us in for another TTC consult - which I really hope he doesn't - then, if I am lucky, my body will remember what it did this month and ovulate again (we will TTC on our own). If we are a go, the nurse indicated I would be doing Clomid on CD 4-8. I was hoping for CD 4-8 since that was when I took Clomid with my PG with Chris - not the CD 5-9 with my m/c's.

It's a Karma thing for me...

...but something I shouldn't obsess over either.

I hate being up in the air over the cycle crap. I would have liked a more definitive answer before going into the weekend. But, I am letting go of that for now...I have to, right? My counselor, I know, would be saying something on the order of "Why fret over something you can't change?" And, he would be right. I have spent a long time re-learning to trust in letting go and letting things happen in the right time (with a little push of fate when needed, of course). So, I will wait until Monday and see what the verdict is.

I meant to post that I went to the Ear-Nose-Throat doc on Wednesday to see why I keep getting so dizzy (since July 2006) when I get up to fast, or if I move the wrong way. Dr. Slim (I will call her that since her last name starts with a "D" as well, and she is WAY SKINNY!) was very nice - did her exam, had me do a hearing test and a balance test. The exam and balance test were okay - the hearing test was not. I have some low-tone hearing loss - which, with the balance issues, may indicate something called Meniere's Disease. Ménière's Disease is characterized by four symptoms:

• Periodic episodes of rotatory vertigo or dizziness.
• Fluctuating, progressive, low-frequency hearing loss
• Tinnitus
• A sensation of "fullness" or pressure in the ear.

I have all four symptoms - so, something I thought might be nothing and haven't made a big deal of may actually be something.

I have to go for some bloodwork for 68 KD (HSP-70) Ab antibodies - which makes this yet another autoimmune issue, in addition to the Hashi's... Thanks mom for your autoimmune issues! Makes me not want to have a girl someday to pass this crap on to! I have to read up more on this, go for the b/w, keep a journal of what I am eating and when I get episodes of dizziness (since it can be worsened by high-salt intake, which I really don't do anyway), and go for a follow-up appointment in a month to go over the b/w and have other tests run.

But, Dr. Slim assured me that there should be no issues with this and pregnancy. So, there is no reason to put off TTC with this. The dizziness may or may not get worse with pregnany, but it won't affect a pregnancy as far as viability. So, that is a good thing.

...But, again, I have to wait...

So, for now while I am waiting... Onto more important things!

1. I have to call around today to see if I can find the Mountain Laurel shrub I want for the front of our house:





I just LOVE this shrub - very unique flowers. We are hoping to get the front of the house finished this weekend with planting...then we put up the front fence and start the rose garden I want. So, I hope I can find this today.

and

2) I gotta get to my numbers for the Commentathon over at Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters. This has been such a fun thing!