Monday, June 18, 2007

My mind is elsewhere today

I should be catching up on work today... I was out sick for two days, and I have A LOT to catch up on.

But, I am not.

Instead, I am on FF, looking at my own chart (what there is of it anyway), cruising through the March due dates threads that are starting. I am blog surfing. Reading. Commenting. Good practice, though, for the Comment-a-thon coming up (I am committed to 50 posts!).

Daydreaming...

Hoping...

Yeah, hoping... What's that??

Not working.

I feel terrible. The student I hired as a program assistant is working her fanny off, getting some things done for me that I have not had time to do at all here. She comes in with questions. Jobs done.

And, I am wasting time.

This whole "I ovulated on my own" thing has me in unchartered territory... Well, at least for me anyway. It is making me uneasy. Not angry. Not scared (well, maybe a little scared). Just, well, unsure of what is to come. I am not used to my body working like it should. I am used to winging it: Guessing when I might get a period. Dealing with weeks of PMS and biting Hubby's head off before a period shows. It's so strange for me to sit here and think I have had three cycles in four months. I am not used to it...and I am afraid of getting used to it, in case it stops.

In my wasting time session today, though, I just realized something: My FF "test date" is on June 27th - by second angel could have been one year old. How's that for irony. I'm okay with it, though. Really. Maybe it will bring this surprise cycle a little luck.

I am not going to wait that long to test, though. I don't have that luxury. I need to know as soon as possible so my endocrinologist can up the Levoxyl and give me the best possible shot at this working - if I get a positive, that is.

In some ways, I feel like such a "newbie" again. It feels good in a way...reminds me that, even though I have learned a lot through my experiences, I still don't know everything. It's humbling.

I better get my work groove on... I have a report to file that is overdue (not by my fault, thank goodness!) and grant money is riding on it!

9 comments:

Di said...

Yay Tina for o'ing on your own, I am so psyched for you! I bet you get pg this month and then you wont even have to worry about TTC!! Its almost like when I got pg with Leah, we werent expecting me to O on my own! Although I wasnt even close to charting and got the surprise +blood test when we were just getting everything set for the next months IUI. SO I have a good feeling about this one for you :) :) There was something else I was going to write but I forget now!
:)
Di

The Town Criers said...

Three cheers for spontaneous ovulation AND for starting to try again. I'm sending you so many good thoughts. I love this line in your post: In some ways, I feel like such a "newbie" again. It feels good in a way...reminds me that, even though I have learned a lot through my experiences, I still don't know everything. It's humbling.

I'm glad there's so much hope spread out in front of you--more doors to open and hopefully only good news to learn.

Jackie said...

Congrats on your ovulation. I hope this leads to a very BFP in the near future.

serenity said...

You know, I always obsess more when I know that I've ovulated too. Not sure why - I guess I prefer to wing it too. :)

No assvice here, just thinking of you. Hang in there, hon.

Karaoke Diva said...

Wow, do you know what I would give to be able to skip all the meds and ovulate on my own?!? Yay for you!

ultimatejourney said...

Congrats on Oing on your own! I'm a newbie again too -- this is our first dIUI cycle, hence our first chance of actually getting pregnant. Scary, yet exciting! Good luck.

Bobby and Ivy said...

Congratulations! O'ing is a huge deal! I know it must be making you nuts. Now you're really under pressure! Good luck. I hope all goes well.

FattyPants said...

Congrats on Oing on your own! Don't feel bad about taking a day to obsess. If you need to know soon stock up on dollar store test and start peeing away!

Jessica said...

The beginnings of ttc can certainly kick the obsession habit into full gear. I'm stalkin you. Hope all is well.