Monday, July 03, 2006

Where have my musings gone??

I am sitting here on lunch thinking I haven't posted in a little while... Then I start to think, where have my musings gone? Anyone seen them?

Seems as I start to accept things for what they are, I lose some of my whit and ramblings...okay, maybe just temporarily! But, since Tuesday, I have been quite at peace with things (except for Hubby being a slob...but, that's just men) and am not sad, or lost. It is something quite unfamiliar right now...but it's nice.

So, for now, just posting a song that one of ladies in one of my BG's sent to me. There are parts to this song that ring quite true: like, when did my passion leave me? and I can't "fake" how I feel anymore.

Resurrection
Nicole Sponberg
I am at a loss for words
There's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and so cold
Where did that passion go?
When all my efforts seem like changing the wind
Ive used up all my strength and theres nothing left I can give
I've lost the feeling, and I'm numb to the core
Can't fake it anymore
Chorus:
Here I am, at the end
I'm in need of resurrection
Only you can take this empty shell
And raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world
What seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in your hand
And make me whole again
You speak and all creation falls to your knees
you raise your hand and calm the waves of the rageing seas
you have a way of turning winter into spring
make something beautiful out of all this suffering
Chorus:
Here I am, at the end
I'm in need of resurrection
Only you can take this empty shell
And raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world
What seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in your hand
And make me whole again

I will not fake how I feel anymore. I think that is what threw me for a spin in the first place with these losses. I had forgotten it is OKAY to feel sad, angry, hurt. And, when you forget that, you forget everything about yourself.

And, my passion I know left me last year when my first Clomid cycle failed to produce an ovulation - I EXPECTED things to work like they did when I got pregnant with Chris, and wasn't prepared for a failure. Now that I know where I list my spirit and passion, I can begin to rebuild it. The outer me is the start - wearing clothes that I haven't been able to fit into in years and color in my hair has really given me a peek into what I used to be before we started TTC in 2002. And, it is kinda nice to start getting back to that. The inner me still needs some work...but, I will get there in time.

Gee.... Guess I had a little more to write than I thought.

For those reading, please send a little prayer to the kind soul who sent me the song above. She has been so supportive of me through the past year, it is the least I can do to ask for some prayers to go her way. She is going through a rough time right now and could use some peace in her life too. If you can send a little positive throughts her way, I'd appreciate it.

3 comments:

dawn said...

Positive thoughts being sent her way. Also Tina thank you so much for your kind words on my blog, I really appreciate the support.

ilyse said...

I am sending both you and her prayers and positive thoughts. ((((hugs))))

Jessica said...

Sending you and your friend some prayers.