Maybe it is time to really read the writing on the wall

The upper GI doc FINALLY called back last night to go over the results of the findings from 2006 - The Year of the Ongoing Medical Adventures.

Here is the good news: From CT scan, he said the gall bladder, bile duct and the kidneys are all fine.

Here is the not-so-good news:

1. From the CT scan, he said he could see multiple fibroids (one internal in the uterus). The one I knew of was at the top and outside. So, I have to call Dr. D to see if he wants copies of the film. To my knowledge, no other fibroids than the one I had from before I was PG with Chris were present before my last miscarriage - if they were in fact there before the miscarriages, then this is an added complication we have to deal with in TTC and carrying to term.
2. Since everything internal seems fine, he said my stomach issues are a combo of GERD (which really has been under control now, thanks to the Aciphex!) and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (which my mom, sis and aunt all have). Yippee! Which means, there is no quick fix for this...and it is a life-long thing to deal with.
3. From the b/w, he found my calcium level is up (probably due to all of the Tums I've been chewing, and no big deal) and my cholesterol is up (a chronic problem for me, so I have to try yet again to alter my diet - yippee again!).
4. Also from b/w, my thyroid panel was elevated. The thyroid is a shocker since Dr. D just ran a completely thorough thyroid panel in the Recurrent Loss Panel and all was fine! So, I am having my GP's office fax over those results to Dr. D today. My MIL, who's 20+ week m/c of twin boys was completely attibuted to hyperthyroid, told me last night that results in thyroid screenings can change very quickly, hence Dr. D's panel not detecting it back in May. It should be checked every 3-6 months.
5. The upper GI doc does think, although my urine analysis and b/w say otherwise, that I may have a UTI since I have been running a low fever and have chills like crazy since Friday... So, he is calling in cypro for me to take for a week.
   

So, in addition to the MTHFR complication (which has yet to be addressed in treatment), I now have to look at the complications of additional, and more serious, fibroids AND a possibility of a thyroid disorder with TTC.

Maybe it is time to really start reading the writing on the wall... Maybe Chris is our one true miracle and we need to accept that he will be our ONLY true miracle. We started thinking about this in March after my last miscarriage...maybe it is time to really face the truth and accept TTC may very well be over for us. There is nothing wrong with having an only child - hubby is one himself. But, this is not what I wanted - I wanted a sibling for Chris.

MTHFR, fibroids and thyroid disorders have so many complications in and of themselves in PG and PG outcome...and, mixing them all together, who knows what will happen. I could not live with myself if, out of some selfish need to have a #2, something medically terrible happened to a potential child - something that would make life hard to live through for that potential child. I can't play Russian roulette with a potential child's future just to fulfill my own wishes - that's not fair.

So, over the next 5 weeks, I really need to push for more answers to these new complications before I see the MFM clinic on 8/30. If I am told at that pre-conception consult that our odds of a healthy child are significantly lowered due to these three complications to gether, it is time for us to walk away and thank God for the blessing we have. What a decision to have to make now...when all I wanted in my life was to be a GOOD mommy to 2 or 3 children.

How do we walk away from this dream and call our family complete?