Proverb of the Old Chinese Farmer

While in my therapy session yesterday, the topic of returning to TTC came up.

He said he thinks that my ideas of how I want to have things work out with TTC again are basically going to cause me another breakdown if it does not work out the way I planned. In order to get me to understand how I need to change my focus, he shared with me the Proverb of the Old Chinese Farmer and it goes something like this:

An old Chinese farmer was in his barn attending to some tasks. A young traveler stops in and says to him, "I have some bad news for you."

The Chinese farmer asks what the news is.

The traveler says to him, "Your prize stallion has run off and now you have no horse to attend to. Isn't that terrible news?"

The farmer replies, "Perhaps."

The traveler leaves, rather puzzled by the response.

A week later, the traveler stops by the farm again and sees the farmer in his barn. He says, "I have some fantstic news for you!"

The farmer asks what the news is.

The traveler responds, "Your prize stallion is back, and has brought with him 3 wild stallions. You have your prize back and potential for more. Isn't that fantastic news!"

The farmer replies, "Perhaps."

The traveler is puzzeled yet again, but leaves.

A week after that, the traveler yet again stops by the farm and stops the farmer to speak to him. He says, "I have some horrible news for you."

The farmer asks what the news is.

The traveler responds, "While your son was out in the fields trying to tame one of the three wild stallions, he was thrown off the horse and has broken his leg. He won't be able to help you with the farm, nor will he be able to help you with the stallions. Isn't that horrible?"

The farmer replies yet again, "Perhaps."

The traveler is very agitated now, as all of his stories seem to have no affect on the farmer. He leaves in a hurry, not sure what to think.

Another weeks goes by and the traveler stops by the farm again, ready to relay more news. The traveler says, "Sir, I have some dreadful news for you."

The farmer asks again what the news is.

The traveler responds, "Our village is now at war with the neighboring village. The leaders are trying to put an army together to fight, but because your son's leg is broken, he will not be chosen to fight for our village. Isn't that aweful news?"

The farmer replies once more, "Perhaps."

...The moral of this story is, no matter the outcome or the news, sometimes it is better to let the news roll off your back because we don't know (nor may never know) the outcome of the events before us.

What my therapist would like to see me do is ultimately:

1. Set limits on how far Hubby and I are willing to go in this (which we already have)
2. Let be what will be
3. Remember what I do have in my life, and let that be the focus while TTC again

I think my mind is beginning to really think this way...slowly, of course. I have to give up my expectations of what I want and just live. This is very hard to do, though, when you don't have the ease of just getting pregnant. But, I am trying to find balance there.