Please, think before you speak...

"I understand what you are going through" are words that should not be said lightly. No one can truly understand how losing a baby, not to mention two, really feels unless you have been there - and even with that, every situation is different. So, no one can truly understand how I feel right now - nor could I truly understand what others are going through now too.

I bring this up because my brother, whom I have not spoken to in about 1 1/2 years, called me last night. He was bitching about the same 'ol thing to my mother yesterday (basically, how badly his ex is screwing him, blah, blah, blah.... I will leave this for another post) and my mother, who never airs other people's laundry, finally had enough and told him that some people are really having a hard time right now and to knock off the bitching. He knew about my first m/c (and, no, he never called in November for that), so she told him about the second one this month. From what she said, it did shut him up for a while...

So, I spoke to him for about a half hour - probably one of the longest half hours of my life. He asked how I was doing - I told him I was just miserable and confused and angry and upset. That things were up in the air regarding TTC again... That all things were up in the air until the testing that starts next week is complete. So, after a quick "I'm sorry," the tyrade that he goes off on about his ex starts...my migraine from Monday that FINALLY went away yesterday morning is back again. Just do me a favor, bro, and just record the tyrade on a CD and mail it to me - when I need a fix, I'll play it so I don't waste the money on a phone call.

Towards the end of the conversation is where the "Think before you speak" comes into play... His middle child has asthma - not really severe, but bad enough to warrent a few trips to the ER (uhhh....how about we get rid of the cat he is allergic too????). So, through those small trips to the ER, my bro feels that he "understands" what I have been through with my two losses...

ARE YOU FOR REAL????

I wanna know where he gets off with that? He has NEVER lost a child, his ex NEVER had a miscarraige (not to mention two) and his ex NEVER had IF problems. WTF??? Is this really what I need to deal with right now? I wanted to strangle him through the phone...good thing he's in Texas! How can he truly understand how I feel when he has never been here? The entire call was such a waste of my breath...

And, while I am at bitching about people (since I need to get this out too), J&E have been completely useless through all of this too. J is a childhood friend of my hubby's (both sets of parents went to college together and have been friends for YEARS). Hubby and I are Godparents to their son... We have been there for them through their beloved dogs dying, J's grandmother passing away, E's mom's illness with cancer, J&E's friend dying of cancer last year... And what do we get in return when we have to announce these two miscarriages? No phone call or visit AT ALL for the first one, and a third hand "I'm sorry" over the phone for the second loss... WTF?? I am not asking them to bend over backwards for us - but maybe a personal phone call to just say "I'm sorry"? We have had so many friends call us, just to ask how we were doing and they were sorry... But, to just not call at all or send a card, an e-mail...

You really do learn who you can count on when you go through something like this....

Wow, do I sound angry or what??