Emptiness

Last night, as I was putting things together for Chris' bathtime, it really hit me that we would not be redecorating the spare bedroom for Chris, that we would not be getting Chris' current room ready for the new baby(ies), that we are still only a family of three...

All I could feel in that fleeting moment was such emptiness...

Don't get me wrong, our house is certainly not empty. Chris more than fills that, and I am forever grateful.

But, the emptiness is for the children that will never be. The children I never had a chance to hold, to touch, to kiss. It is such a lonely feeling...one that even the hubby said he could never understand.

I couldn't cry... I think the sadness in that moment was just beyond tears...