Introducing my new friend, Xanex!

...Well, I have officially started anti-anxiety meds this week. Feels like some sort of graduation, in a way. Oh, dear Xanex...please work. I need a break!

After being home sick from work two days this week yet again with the continuation of the stomach virus from Chris from last week, I told Hubby I needed a break, and fast. Too much stuff is going on - which of course is putting other things on hold.

So, Hubby talked to my doc yesterday about starting me on anti-anxiety meds. Dr. McC started me out on 0.5 mg. of Xanex to take at bedtime and we will take it from there. With everything going on all at once, he felt that even HE would need something right now to take the edge off. We will see how this works - and he is going to check in with me weekly to see how I am feeling. If I need something longer-term, or Xanex is not working, then we will move on to something stronger.

Am I okay with the decision of starting the meds? For now, yes. There is nothing wrong with needing the help (although I never imagined I would have to go this route...then again, who does?). We have to delay TTC another couple of months anyway because of what's happening with all of the respective family members - and, the resulting anxiety won't help me medically at all with TTC. So, in the end, it is for the best.

Am I disappointed that we are ending 2006 with yet another delay in TTC again? Of course! My life has been ruled by delay after delay since we decided to get back onto this crazy ride in May 2005, which started with the first delay in the Chicken Pox vaccine fiasco, delaying TTC until July 2005. What better way to end such a craptastic year with another delay! The only real thing I feel I have done right this year is Chris... Everything else has either been robbed from me (my babies) or piled on me (my work and all of this sudden family responsibility, not that the medical issues plaguing my parents and FIL are anyones' faults...just luck of the draw). I just wish my body would do right by me one more time and allow me to have a sibling for him... I don't ask for much - this is all I wanted.

And, of course, my hope of having the living room done before Christmas is out the door too. That delay is all Hubby's fault for not getting on the ball and 1) ordering windows when they should have been ordered, 2) getting the roof fixed so the porch was dry to work on, 3) cleaning off the crap on the front porch before S came over to work and 4) just dragging his feet in getting this started in the first place. S is doing a FANTASTIC job - he just has to work around the crap my Hubby calls "cleaning up" and it is very frustrating. If I had been feeling better, I probably would have been out there cleaning it up myself. ** Sigh **

But, the upturn this week is that my bosses, for the short term anyway, are setting me up to work from home one day a week! Finally! Technically, this is temporary until my mom is healed up and can resume watching Chris 2 days a week (somewhere around mid-February, we think). My boss came in to talk to me on Monday, after my Hubby's *secret* call to talk to him about it on Sunday, offered a few hours at home each week after coming in for a little while in the morning - that kinda defeats the purpose of what I need, so I didn't discuss it more after that. But, after being out sick 2 days this week, my Center Administrator came in to talk to me on Friday and asked if one whole day at home would lessen the load. I told her yes, it absolutely would - but, doing that might cause a problem with others in the office who had previously asked. She said don't worry about that - she will handle them - and called our Systems Administrator in to talk about how we are going to set this up. Yeah! So, starting Wednesday, I work one day at home - and Hubby will work 1-2 days at home (alternate with mine). Maybe, if things go okay, this could be a more permanent arrangement...

And, one little gesture from Hubby's grandmother was too sweet this week - she told my MIL that she wanted to offer me $1000 if that would help to keep me home for a month from work so we could get through everything that was going on. She is such a sweety, even when being a stubborn mule about medical stuff for herself. Of course, I could never take that from her - she is on a shoe-string budget with her own medical needs... But, the gesture was just amazing....and greatly appreciated.

So, here's to Xanex....and maybe a better start to 2007 for all of us!