Monday, December 11, 2006

Okay, Lord! I seem to be missing your sense of humor!

Remember when I posted I was going to reclaim my life and push forward with TTC in January in Getting off the "Whine Wagon"?? Apparently God has a sense of humor that is just sailing by me...

My mother decided that she didn't do enough damage to herself in her fall down the front stairs on December 2nd - so she did it again this past Saturday down the back stairs! The GOOD thing is that she successfully missed re-injuring her right knee and nose - she realized she was falling this time and braced herself with her right hand as she went down. BUT, she did something to her left wrist that I am still waiting to here the news on - it is very swollen, although she can wiggle her fingers.

...More importantly than her injuries this time, though, is we need to know why she has fallen twice in a week! This is not like her at all...and we need to know if the shadow they radiologist saw on her CT scan on December 2nd is something that is causing these falls. stomach is still a complete mess - we actually had to cancel on a 2-year-old's birthday party on Saturday night because I just felt all-around crap-tastic, for yet another weekend. I am really beginning to think that my thyroid is going haywire under all of the stress and pressure - and until I get the bloodwork back that was done on December 4th, it is just speculation. I just feel like crap all of the time: Feverish and cheeks flushed but freezing cold, body achy, fatigued, hands shaking, heart racing, stomach spasming all of the time, and down to 145 lbs without exercising in over a week (how can one lose 9 lbs in 3 weeks???). Hubby's cousin actually ask my MIL if I was sick because I have gotten so thin (last time I was 145 lbs was before I met hubby!).

Hubby, trying to be supportive, suggested I take take an HPT - I laughed, but humored him anyway. Of course it was a BFN - no shockeroony there since it kinda takes an ovulation to actually get pregnant! But, I am not upset about that in any way - now is not physically the right time for it anyway.

I know I want to TTC again - and I want all those things I posted about last week. I WANT one more shot at this rollercoaster. But, until we figure out what is happening with my mom, get my father and FIL past their respective surgeries and get my entire self feeling better (it is rather embarassing to hear your stomach gurgling all of the time - especially in meetings when it is quite quiet!), I see no way of January as being realistic for TTC again. I need to be HEALTHY and as stress-free as possible - despite my best efforts, I am not.

It is a set-back that I really didn't want to accept - but I have to. I have to do what is best for a potential child - and trying in January wouldn't be (unless some miracle happens and I magicially start feelign better). I am very disappointed...but maybe it is a good thing in the end? It gets me out of being due in October - too many losses are associated with the month of October now anyway. Except for my wedding anniversary, October is a marred month to me now... Maybe December would be better for a baby? Or, even better, January when Hubby and I have birthdays?

So....when will we start? I just don't know yet. Maybe March?? Maybe... Gotta get myself back to feeling better...for me and my family as it is now.


Amy said...

Tina, I am so sorry to hear about everything that is going on. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. To answer your question on my blog, I got it at target.

Lindsay said...

Sorry to hear the news about your mom and your health and TTC being delayed, but it sounds like you've got a good sense for what you can and can't handle right now. A holiday baby next year, maybe?

ilyse said...

Sending you a big (((((hug))))). My thoughts and prayers are with you.