My passion feeds me

You know that "For Women Who Do Too Much" calendar I have?? The one I have posted quotes from this past year?

Well, I got this one this morning....

"My passion feeds me.
* Don't ever get too busy for your passion"

And, you know what?

...I have become too busy for my passion.

Actually, I am not sure WHAT my passion is anymore!

How sad is that? But, when you worry about so many things that are beyond your control - and you learn how to shut it off - you realize that the worry, the sadness, the anxiety has robbed you of so many things.

I do have some passions in my life, like my Chris, my husband, my family and friends, my garden, reading, writing, baking, constant music of all genres, sharing my story of IF and Recurrent Loss. But, time has been short lately for most of them...like I mentioned in yesterday's post (Warped perceptions). I don't seem to have that drive to want to really pursue some of them, like reading and writing.

However...

Something has come into my soul that needs an outlet...

Something that has never been realized...

Something I tried when I was about nine years old and quit because it just wasn't me at the time... (besides, what do you really know anyway at nine years old??)

I've decided that, once these programs are over on August 4th (14 days away!!) and time is a little less fleeting, I am actually going to try my hand (**literally**) on playing an instrument.

Whoah!

Where'd that come from??

Well, I love - just LOVE - music. Almost all kinds (well, except for the hard-core, gangster rap - although I love the old-school rap of Run DMC)...especially prog rock (shocking, if you look at my current side-bar). Always have - there is not a moment in the car when something isn't playing on the radio or CD changer. My rides to school on the cheese bus were always with headphones on. My CD collection is very eclectic - from Broadway show tunes, to prog rock, to classic rock like the Beatles, the Who, to classical music, to dance/techno, etc., etc. People would think I am on some sort of trip if they really looked at what I have in my collection. But, I have this need to feel what the music is...the meaning of the songs I am listening to (which is really my main love for prog rock - there is always a hidden meaning somewhere). Sometimes I leave a CD behind (like Queensryche's Mindcrime II) because it just isn't clicking for me and go back to it months or years later until I "get it."

But, after seeing Rush in concert a couple of weeks ago, something changed in me... I am a huge, and I mean HUGE, Queensryche fan - have been for more years than I can count now. I can sing almost every lyric to every song (not that my voice is great, but to me when I am singing, it is. HeeHee!). I have seen them in concert about at least five times, have met the band at Meet & Greets about three times. They put on a GREAT show. Their music calls to me - radiates around things that have happened in my life and I can identify with.

BUT...

But, I can honestly say I have never walked away from a Queensryche concert truly emotionally moved... Inspired by the energy they give off to the crowd and the crowd fed back to them. Amazed that they are playing older songs like they are playing them for the first time. Truly grooving to the music they created as they play show after show after show...

That changed after leaving the Rush show...with me almost wanting to beg at their feet to play more.

Like, I would have EVER touched backstage at that show! Talk about pipe dreams!

Leaving that concert, I came to the realization that, although I love to listen to music, I need to feel the music too. Rockin' out to the music with my car windows open just isn't enough anymore.

Does that make sense?

So, after some thinking and pondering and grooving in the car, I've decided I want to try my hand at this:



Geddy Lee's Fender Jazz Bass Artist Series guitar that Hubby is buying for me tomorrow (used with a discount of course from the assistant store manager over at a local instrument shop that is owed to him - cool lookin' no?) along with this:



which is already sitting in my living room (my amp is a little different from this, but you get the idea).

Now, Hubby already being the guitar player that he is (uh, 30 years worth at this point!), HAS a purple bass guitar in the house - I have noodled with it already (with Chris, who LOVES it!). But, Hubby is so amazed that I have this passion to try my hand at an instrument (my dabble in playing anything was in the 4th grade when I tried flute - after 3 months, it was a disaster...no passion for it nor a desire to evey practice it!) that he felt I needed something superb to play to keep me going (and, well, if I hate it, HE has a great bass guitar!). Plus, he feels that since I am math inclined anyway, bass is perfect for me since it is really a "mathematician's instrument" to play.

So, we will see where this goes over the next few months. We are going to try to set aside 45 minutes one night a week to really give me lessons (any music reading is LOOOONG gone from my brain, and we are going to try to get it back), and see how much I have a desire to play on my own...

Whoah!

Am I sure I really want to do this?!?!

I am excited...and maybe this will give me the chance to relax and forget a bit and let other things happen when they should...