Looking for a Crystal Ball

Well, in between my work-load here at my job and redesigning the outside of our house (the Mommy's Garden post is coming soon!), I am trying to mentally and physically prepare for TTC again...

We are still on target for June/July - for right now anyway. But, of course, it is still up in the air until I get my two-month thyroid panel check done (I am going to the lab on Saturday morning and should have results sometime next week). I feel like the human pin cushion these days: I am trying to get my medical ducks in a row, making sure that everything I have been tested for that was questionable is being checked again - I don't (or better, can't) want to be blindsided again. Here is what I am waiting for or working on with my docs:

1. Two-month thyroid panel check to see if the Levoxyl is doing what is should be doing. My TSH needs to be below 2.0, so I am really hoping it is now. Most of my symptoms (except for the extreme tired at night) are gone...so that is a good sign.
   
2. With the thyroid check, Dr. S is also checking my iodine levels. Iodine is very important (especially in PG with a thyroid condition) and since I don't add a lot of salt to my food and I don't drink tap water, I want to make sure my levels are adequate. She agreed and it they are lower than they should be, she will suppliment.
   
3. I am scheduling an appointment with an ENT to see if the reason I have been getting dizzy so often since 7/06 is due to an inner-ear issue. It could be thyroid related, but I want to check it anyway. It is getting very bothersome.
   
4. I had another lower-lumbar x-ray done yesterday because my lower back has been really bad again. The x-ray showed no further deterioration in the degenerative disc I have in my lower back (that was found around 5/03) - which is good. But, I am still in pain from it. Dr. McC offered to prescribe prescription pain meds for it - but, I just don't want to take any more meds now (especially prescription pain meds!), so I am going to suck it up for now...
5. I am starting the process of coming off Lexapro. I have to alternate 10 mg and 5 mg for two weeks, then stay on 5 mg for 2 weeks, then alternate 5mg and none for two weeks. After that, I stop completely. So, I should be off Lexapro by the last week of June. So far, I seem okay with it - but, this is only my second day on the half-dose...
   
6. I asked Dr. McC to retest my Anticardiolipin AB levels. In my RLP from 5/06, I found that my Anticardiolipin AB IgM was 9 - the intermediate "danger" level starts at 10. He agreed that it was too close (even though Dr. D did not see a problem with it at the time), and is retesting. Since I already have the homozygous MTHFR going on, I want to make sure this is checked again. Not sure what it means yet if the level went up... Anyone?
7. Once I am cleared with all of this, I just have to make the decision of Clomid vs. injectables. I want Dr. D's opinion on what he thinks would work best (we have to meet again to discuss protocol again) - really, putting the ball back in his court because there are pros and cons to both and I just don't want to do (or, better put, I can't allow myself to obsess about it).
   

The good thing is with the prospect of TTC again: I am not obsessing (**yet** - you just never know in this game of chance). I am thinking about TTC in a much healthier way than I was in 2005/2006. I just hope that continues once I am off the Lexapro - I am a worrier by nature, after all.

I just wish I had a crystal ball - to see into the future a bit and get a sense of how things will pan out... I have this need to prepare myself for the worst and hope for the best. Sucks, doesn't it, that we will never know until the day arrives?? That is life's uncertainty - the uncertainty I hate.

Crystal Ball
by Styx

I used to like to walk the straight and narrow line
I used to think that everything was fine
Sometimes I'd like to sit and gaze for days through sleepless dreams
All alone and trapped in time
All alone and trapped in time

I wonder what tomorrow has in mind for me
Or am I even in it's mind at all?
Perhaps I'll get a chance to look ahead and see
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball
Soon as I find myself a crystal ball

Tell me, tell me where I'm going
I don't know where I've been
Tell me, tell me, won't you tell me
And then tell me again
My heart is breaking, my body's aching
And I don't know where to go
Tell me, tell me, won't you tell me
I've just got to know

Crystal ball
There's so many things I need to know
Crystal ball
There's so many things I've got to know
Crystal ball

[extra verse used occasionally live]
If you should see me walking
Through your dreams at night
Would you please direct me
Where I ought to be
I've been looking for a crystal ball
To shed the light
To find a future in me...
To find a future in me...

Crystal ball
There's so many things I need to know
Crystal ball
There's so many things I've got to know
Crystal ball