Did I ever mention I hate Swiss Cheese??

I had my Thyroid ultrasound yesterday morning...

Do you know how hard it is NOT to swallow when someone is pressing on your neck with an u/s transducer?? VERY hard! So hard, some pics had to be re-done.

Anyways, Dr. S took quite some time to complete the u/s - about a half hour or so for such a tiny gland, and printed out more u/s pics than I think were taken of Chris and my IUI u/s monitorings combined! But, she was very thorough, which is always a good thing in finding out what exactly is wrong with you!

She said my thyroid gland looked like a butterfly-shape of Swiss Cheese - which is what she was expecting to see with Hashi's and my antibody levels. So, the gland was "normal" for what is going on - but, of course, abnormal as compared to a normally-functioning thyroid gland. She found two very small nodules on the right side of the gland (.45 cm and .18 cm) - hence the number of u/s pics she took and the repeated squashing of my neck with the transducer. They would be too small to biopsy for cancer screening, but because they look solid and not cystic or fluid-filled, they are considered non-cancerous at this point. She will repeat the u/s in 6-12 months, depending upon symptoms and bloodwork, and repeat the u/s at least yearly to watch for changes in size, texture and numbers of nodules. If I find I feel my gland getting larger, I need to contact her so she can check the growth of the nodules again. She said the nodules are very new, because the radioactive tests I had done in September showed no nodules at all.

Now, I just wait until mid-May to repeat the thyroid b/w and see where I stand with my TSH levels. If they are below 2.0 (ideally, between 1.0 and 2.0), then TTC can be a GO for June/July. If they are not, TTC is still my choice to make - but, I plan to wait until the levels are down to where they need to be.

Of course, though, discussing the results last night with Hubby led him and I into a more in-depth discussion on how we want to proceed with TTC...

Hubby is, above all, most concerned about the impact of TTC again on my mental health. He wants to make sure that I am really ready for this - if really ready at all - because he does not want to see me fall off the edge again should another miscarriage happen. He wants to know from Dr. D and all the docs involved in my care what exactly the chances are of another miscarriage, knowing all that is wrong with me now.

It is very sweet of him to think this way - to put my feelings and health above all other decisions regarding TTC. Above the thought of having another child. Not many men would think this way - really, not all men care about the whole TTC process in general and just let the women handle it. So, it is very nice for him to worry, although I don't think I need him to right now.

I explained to him that I am really okay about TTC again - that I can talk about it without the anxiety creeping in. I can think about the possibility of another miscarriage, and not freak out and panic. I can acknowledge that we might not have another child, and be okay with what life may give us. The HUGE difference about TTC again now and starting to TTC #2 back in July 2005 (and more importantly, TTC after miscarriage #2 in November 2005) is that I KNOW I have the potential to miscarry again. I am prepared for and aware of that possibility - I can't be blindsided by having morning sickness but the pregnancy not being viable again. I know miscarriage is always going to be a possibility, and I am more aware of the fact I may have to be given that news again.

I also have more HOPE than before - I know what is wrong with me now, and it is being treated by doctors who are really on top of the respective conditions. A year ago, I never knew what a homozygous MTHFR mutation was...nor did I know anything about thyroid disease. Knowledge has brought forth some hope in my heart - and the doctors being aggressive about the care has brought even more hope to me.

But, I, too, need to know what my chances are - real percentages here - of another miscarriage...so as not to be blindsided again by news I don't want to hear.

I suggested to Hubby that he call Dr. D's office and talk to him about it, or ask about having another consult to go over the new stuff. We didn't know about the Hashi's when we went in for our TTC consult back in November (it was still being looked into at that time)... So, what he told us about our chances of another miscarriage is no longer correct. We need an update and some real information. I also want to know if maybe we should get more aggressive in the overall TTC method - Clomid vs. injectibles. In November, he was leaving that decision to me - and I opted to do two rounds of Clomid first with him before moving on to injectibles with the clinic. But, with Hashi's now being in the overall picture, maybe being more agressive from the start - having a better ovulation - might be best? I need to know that opinion.

I know the miscarriage dangers really lie in the conditions NOT being treated at all. Since they are being treated, my chances have dropped dramatically. BUT, I think we still need to know the chances of miscarriage, even with treatment.

More to come...