Friday, January 23, 2009

Another year older...but another year wiser??

Well, today is my 36th birthday...

The number just doesn't seem real to me - and I suppose I am in denial of being so close to 40 years old.

Crap.

Why is it, when you are in your teens, or college even, that you just NEVER think you would be this old?

Anyways, I have neglected here for almost 2 months - sorry, lots of stuff going on that I will try to elaborate on and vent about over the weekend. To sum up: I am surrounded by sick kids and family members who only can think of themselves - and unload their baggage on me. It's bringing me down big time...and making the anxiety levels go up. Not a good combination when I am trying to spend the little time I have with my boys and am awaiting a promotion at work.

...Where's my xanex...

I feel like my year and half of therapy is down the toilet and I am back where I started again.

Even bigger crap...

I do want to thank everyone who responded to my HPV questions in December. I since had a colposcopy (12/29) and the results were normal. SIGH!!

Dr. D gave me the various scenarios on how I could have ended up with this - and we will never be able to pin it down since this is the first time I as screened for it with a PAP. In the end, I feel that I don't think Hubby is straying - although I am still very hurt when I found a receipt in November from a local strip club for the amount of $250 that was visited the date of my first d&c (second miscarriage in November 2005). It was a very hard blow - one that I really let him have it over since I was crying my eyes out that day as he was whooping it up at the girlies (he claims it was for business...but, whatever). Anyways, I now have to make sure I have the annual PAP - no matter what.

Since my plans for tomorrow are no non-existent (part of my venting that is coming), I will try to log on to post a real update.

Until then...I guess I will have some cake tonight after we visit Hubby's grandfather who is on a rehab facility up here by us (yes, he is one of the "think only of ourselves" people).

9 comments:

Cassandra said...

Here from Lost and Found...

Hope you had a great birthday and that this will be a wonderful year for you.

Jessica said...

Happy Birthday again. This year better be a great one for you. You deserve it.
(((HUGS))) VERY BIG ONES on the whole dh thing.
I hope you guys all stay healthy and you can unload some of the extra baggage that others load on you (Lord knows we all have enough of our own!)

Amy said...

Happy belated birthday! I hope you got everything you wanted on your bday! By the way, you boys are adorable!!!

Amy

Val said...

Happy Belated birthday! I hope this is a wonderful year for you.

Teena in Toronto said...

Happy birthday!

Happy blogoversary!

Chelsea Lietz said...

Hi... mind if I follow your blog? I also have thrombophilia, including MTHFR, and am currently pregnant. (again... but we think this one is for keeps!)
I love seeing stories like yours... you struggled, but now you are blessed!

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