My Many Blessings: January 2009

Cycle History

Started TTC #1 - 1/2002

Started IF workup - 11/2002

HSG all clear - 6/2003

Dx. Unexplained Infertility - 6/2003

50 mg Clomid/IUI: July 2003 - BFP with Chris on first medicated cycle, 8/2003!

Christopher Kenneth born - 5/2004!

Started TTC #2 - 7/2005

Cycle #1: 50 mg Clomid/Annovulatory - 7/2005

Cycle #2: 100 mg Clomid/canceled IUI/BFP/Miscarriage #2 - 9/2005

Cycle #3: TTC Break after m/c

Cycle #4: 100 mg Clomid/canceled IUI/BFP/Miscarriage #3 - 1/2006

Cycle #5 - #13: Extended TTC Break and on BCPs for first three cycles

Cycle #14: Ovulated on my own! But, a BFN

Cycle #15: Annovulatory; Took Provera 21 days to bring on new cycle

Cycle #16: Started 8/23/07: Surprise BFP on 9/30/07; Betas good; u/s's good; PG progressing nicely. :)

Gabriel John born - 6/2008!!!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Another year older...but another year wiser??

Well, today is my 36th birthday...

The number just doesn't seem real to me - and I suppose I am in denial of being so close to 40 years old.

Crap.

Why is it, when you are in your teens, or college even, that you just NEVER think you would be this old?

Anyways, I have neglected here for almost 2 months - sorry, lots of stuff going on that I will try to elaborate on and vent about over the weekend. To sum up: I am surrounded by sick kids and family members who only can think of themselves - and unload their baggage on me. It's bringing me down big time...and making the anxiety levels go up. Not a good combination when I am trying to spend the little time I have with my boys and am awaiting a promotion at work.

...Where's my xanex...

I feel like my year and half of therapy is down the toilet and I am back where I started again.

Even bigger crap...

I do want to thank everyone who responded to my HPV questions in December. I since had a colposcopy (12/29) and the results were normal. SIGH!!

Dr. D gave me the various scenarios on how I could have ended up with this - and we will never be able to pin it down since this is the first time I as screened for it with a PAP. In the end, I feel that I don't think Hubby is straying - although I am still very hurt when I found a receipt in November from a local strip club for the amount of $250 that was visited the date of my first d&c (second miscarriage in November 2005). It was a very hard blow - one that I really let him have it over since I was crying my eyes out that day as he was whooping it up at the girlies (he claims it was for business...but, whatever). Anyways, I now have to make sure I have the annual PAP - no matter what.

Since my plans for tomorrow are no non-existent (part of my venting that is coming), I will try to log on to post a real update.

Until then...I guess I will have some cake tonight after we visit Hubby's grandfather who is on a rehab facility up here by us (yes, he is one of the "think only of ourselves" people).