I'm published in an article!!!

Wow! I was published!

I was approached in early October about an article on iParenting that was to be about couples who are experiencing infertility who seek professional counseling. I was sought out via Mel's Peer Infertility Counselor list - and was quite honored to be asked to assist with this article.

The article is now published...and I hope that everyone will give it a read and find some hope (and courage to dive into counseling, if you think you need it) in it:

Counseling Infertility:
Professional Help for the Emotional Side of Conception

Mel: Look how far your blog reaches! I am so glad to be a small part of it, even if, right now, my time is a little more limited. It is such a wonderful thing!

How can we remember ALL of our babies?

Lately, there have been quite a few losses in the blog-o-sphere that have rocked our foundations... Scared us even more when we see those two pinks lines show on a PG test or see a heartbeat on u/s. Most recently:

Natalie's loss of Devin at 35 weeks, 5 days
Alexa's loss of Ames (his twin, Simone, still fighting)
MaryEllen's loss of her triplets
Also, Allison's twins: Lennox and Zoe

I can't even begin to express how reading about these losses scares the hell out of me. Just when you think you made it past the hurdles: viability u/s's, first heartbeats, NT Scans, Level II u/s's... A baby is taken way too soon...to precious to be with us. It is heartbreaking and well beyond understanding.

I can't even imagine the pain these moms (and dads) are going through. It just shouldn't be this way.

But, there has been something bothering me...because, I hate the idea of missing someone accidentally and I don't want anyone to be left out.

There have been a few memorial candles created for some of the mommies lately...which has been such a great way to support the families, honor the babies taken much too soon, always remember the loss to our community. However, as much as I want to list every single candle created in my sidebar...I know there are many other families mourning losses too for which no candle has been created yet. Those mournings range from early PG loss...to stillbirth...to neonatal death. I don't want to see anyone who has gone through loss - either very recently or long in the past - to ever feel less than supported.

Even though each loss is so unfortunate and so unique, each precious baby should be remembered somehow...each family supported through a unified display of candles or memorials.

So, I have an idea...although I am not sure how to accomplish it since I am in no way a pro with Photoshop, etc. to create them (okay, I will confess I never used Photoshop!). And, would love the input from the community.

I would love to see a site - a blog? - created for all of the moms who have lost children in such a tragic way. Maybe list them in chronological order, with candles, under categories of miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, etc. - but have them all together? Include them all from our community and have a link we can all place on our blogs to honor all of the babies gone taken soon? I would hate to post a candle for one, and not for all - I feel it could potentially make someone feel their loss is not as important as another.

I would love feedback on this...so we can all support each other like we have demonstrated we can do well.

Prayer requests for today

I have two prayer requests today to throw out to everyone....

First, Chris' Zia is having her retrieval today - this 4th IVF cycle is going very well, and very differently from the cycles in the past. Please pray this works...transfer should be Sunday. She and S deserve this...they have been waiting to be parents for way too long. My St. Gerard candle will be lit tonight for them...

Second, on a personal front, Hubby has two job interviews coming up - first is today at 11:30 am with a good law firm and the second is Monday with a recruiting firm (the position would be for a recruiter, which he would be sooooo good at - and he got scouted for). He really could use the job change as there is still no clue to what his current boss is doing for the long haul - except that he finally moved the office much closer to home, which allows Hubby to get home at a decent hour! I don't trust nor like his current boss...so maybe my opinion is tainted. But, Hubby could really use the new job...and the extra cash coming in!

Thanks!

My IF and RPL Story

From when I was a very young child, my dream was always to be happily married, financially well off just enough that the bills were paid without worry, and to be a stay-at-home mom to several children. As I grew older, most of that dream remained...although the details of it became a little hazy with going to college, getting a degree, starting a job, marrying later than I had hoped to, and starting a family later than I had ever planned on. The attempt to start a family later is when my dream began to really fall apart...and so did my heart. No one ever expects Infertility. No one ever expects Recurrent Pregnancy Loss. Why was this delivered to OUR doorstep? What did we do wrong in our lives to deserve this? Why did I have to become a part of that 12.5% of the population experiencing infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss...which, statistically, ranks right up there with so many other medical "epidemics."

I have gone to three ob/gyn's in my lifetime - but, only Dr. D (my third and current ob/gyn) was ever concerned about my long, erratic cycles I had lived with all of my life - by Jove! Someone was finally concerned! He did some preliminary testing, but could not really find anything wrong that would be causing them. So, we just waited a bit with the caveat that 1) when we were ready to TTC, that I call him and let him know when we were going to start trying so he could re-run the testing he had done and 2) that whenever we started getting frustrated if things were not happening, that I call him (even if it was under the 12 month TTC wait for someone under the age of 35 years old) so he can really start running the full IF testing. We started TTC in January 2002 - by November 2002, nothing was happening and I had probably 4 cycles in that time period. So, we called and scheduled the TTC consult that month...and testing began immediately. By June 2003, all testing was complete - problem was ovulation, as in I wasn't at ovulating at all and was told that if I did finally ovulate in a very long cycle, that the chances of the pregnancy being viable would be slim to none since the uterine lining would be too old to support a healthy PG, making miscarriage inevitable. Hearing that the chances of me ever conceiving naturally just broke my heart. For someone whose dream was essentially to be a mommy, it was the worse news you could receive. After that, we started our first Clomid/IUI cycle in July 2003 with Dr. D - and, so thankfully, it worked and Christopher was born in May 2004.

Dr. D, after Chris was born, had told us that when we were ready to TTC #2, to let him know immediately - since I have the erratic cycle history and documented ovulation issues, that I would not have to TTC for 12 months before he could intervene. So, we contacted him in June 2005 to start TTC - and my dreams began to crumble when even what worked to conceive Chris didn't work now. Our first cycle in July 2005 of 50 mg Clomid never even produced an ovulation. Our second cycle in September 2005 of 100 mg Clomid finally produced an ovulation - but, so poorly and without warning even on u/s, we scrapped the IUI. But, I ended up getting PG, only to start bleeding a week after my BFP... Three weeks later, a blighted ovum was finally confirmed 100% and a d&e was done on 11/22/05. The Thanksgiving weekend was the worst in history...facing the family was horrible. I couldn't escape the pity in their eyes...and the total lack of mentioning what had happened, for fear I would break down at the beautifully decorated table. In an attempt to "recover" from the loss, we pushed forward into the next cycle in January 2006 - yet again, 100 mg Clomid and IUI. But I never made it to the IUI because I couldn't recover from the stomach virus DS had gifted to me. The IUI was canceled. When I finally felt better, I found I did ovulate (checking OPKs and temping) - Hubby and I made due, and DTD. Two weeks later, I got the BFP. This time, I felt PG - so, although very guarded, we went into the first u/s with joy and laughter...only to be swatted down again when no heartbeat was discovered and the baby was measuring more than a week behind. I had a missed m/c...although I still had all of the symptoms. Of course, my doc did another u/s a few days later to confirm...and I asked for the d&c right away. I was just devastated... This was now my third loss total. How could that be, after having a perfectly normal, successful PG with my DS? I ended up spiraling into anxiety for more than a year...and only with counseling and medication did I finally begin to learn how to deal with it all and accept where my life was going.

The most amazing thing - and I know I am in a very small the minority for this - is our insurance coverage came through with flying colors during all of our experiences of heartbreak and joy. I am a State Employee in NJ - and the medical benefits makes working full time so worth it. The ONLY things not covered by my insurance were OPK's and HPT's. All of my IF testing (loads of b/w, HSG, pelvic/trasnvaginal u/s's, etc.) with the exception of the prerequisite co-pays ($5 in 2002 - $15 now); the IUI cycle that resulted in my PG with Chris, including the semen wash/semen analysis and the monitoring u/s's; all of the prenatal checks and birth expenses of Christopher, again with the prerequisite co-pays and with the exception of the additional cost of the private room I wanted; both the d&e in 11/05 and the d&c in 3/06, along with the genetic testing of the fetal remains removed; all of the recurrent pregnancy loss testing (viles after viles of b/w and other tests); and, finally, all of the care (so far) of this very surprising, high-risk pregnancy - ALL of it was covered. I cannot even fathom how much money all of these tests, procedures, medications and care would have cost me out of pocket. My insurance covered it all, except for the simple co-pays. I don't think DH and I could have come this far without the coverage - coverage that, quite frankly, if mandated correctly by the States of this country, should be available to all of us. I was able to get IF testing done earlier because of coverage - so, it did not take me nearly as long as some women TTC to get PG because the resources and money were there. I was able to get RPL testing done much earlier with my coverage - saving us from longer-term disappointments and heartache, not to mention, allowing me to be TREATED for the medical conditions I have that will affect me later in life. Our coverage, in the end, not only saved us financially...but also gave us peace of mind that we didn't need to worry about the expense of it all during our journey. Less worry = less stress.

It is heartbreaking - and unfathomable - that couples in the US have to risk it all to have a child. Having a child is a natural part of life - or should be made as natural as humanly possible with the appropriate resources and coverage. But, with a statistic of 12.5% of the population experiencing infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss...insurance coverage needs to step up and start helping people become families. IF and pregnancy loss is not only a physical condition - but, eventually, they become emotional conditions as well resulting in lost hours with family and at work. The coverage I have - which includes 4 IVF cycles lifetime (which I wish I could gift to someone who could really use it) - should be the model for all States to copy from.

Helping out a fellow Stirrup Queen

Mel over at Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters sent out the following call for assistance.

Go on over and give Mel a huge assist with this! It is for a good cause we all, unfortunately, share in.
==============================================================

So you're receiving this because you are a stirrup queen and I am a stirrup queen and I need your help. I was nominated for an award and at first, I was just touched and it was really nice. Then, Flicka wrote her post this week (http://vacantuterus.typepad.com/vacantuterus/2007/11/you-should-see-.html)
and it gave me an idea. Do I want to win? Hell yeah. But do I see a larger thing we could do with this? Yes.

This award thing will probably get press and I've certainly seen a rise in hits this week since it was announced. Flicka wrote about drafting a letter that people could use. I'd like to win this and use the glance that the general population will give to the winner to draw attention to the IF/pg loss blogosphere. To our issues (especially in an election year). To the reality of IF. Not a letter about how hard it is, but the reality of what it is like to have to pay thousands simply for a chance to get to the parenting starting line. What we need in terms of mandated coverage or job leave. The facts of IF (in numbers and statistics) laid bare.

And then post this letter if I win. Post it even if I don't win, but the winner will be announced at the end of the week/this weekend (I think) and we would need it ready to go up when the most people would be looking. With the blogroll list highlighted (take a look at 1000 stories if you need faces on the issue).

So the help from you--if you can give it this week--is two-fold. Flicka, if you can spearhead this, can you organize anyone who wants to participate (hit reply to this email and I'll compile the list of email addresses and pass them along to Flicka) and get multiple people to do research at once. And start writing this (I'll help you). We just need to finish it by Thursday-ish.

The other thing I need you to do is to ask you to use your blog to get other people to vote. It's three clicks (click on the link, click on Stirrup Queens, and click off the site) and you can vote once every 24 hours. The link to the voting site is http://2007.weblogawards.org/polls/best-medicalhealth-issues-blog-1.php. Voting goes until November 8th. I'm posting this letter regardless, but if we want to take advantage of the general population's attention, I have to actually win.

So, um...begging for your help since I feel like my blog is a community space regardless. It is, after all, your virtual living room/bar...minus the pee bucket. If you know of other people who
would want to participate and you're not sure if they got this note (sorry, did a BCC because I'm squeamish about privacy and don't like sending out other people's email addresses unless they say it's okay), pass it along. We just need to move quickly.

Wow...I feel like an activist. Just in time for National Infertility Awareness Week!

Mel

Today Show segment on Miscarriage

Someone on Fertility Friend posted a link to the Today Show segment from yesterday on miscarriage, in their series "I wanna have a baby!"

The segment (linked here) was, for me, not that informative medically since I have had the full Recurrent Loss Panels done - however, it was very validating of my feelings going through my own miscarriages.

It is an excellent segment for family, friends and those in the medical profession on HOW miscarriage should be handled. My doc is very similar to the doc featured in the segment (and my doc is not an RE) - I am lucky because even to this doc, there are too many doctors out there who either don't have the time to run the testing or are just not educated enough on the need for it.

I hope everyone can spread the word on this segment -- it is too good to pass by.

National Anxiety & Depression Awareness Week

May is Mental Health Month, celebrated throughout the country to raise awareness of mental illness and educate Americans about ways to find help if they think they may be suffering from a mental health problem. During the week of May 6-12, the ADAA and other mental health groups recognize Anxiety & Depression Awareness Week.

Opening up a dialogue about anxiety and depressiong is an important first step on the road to recovery. Below are tips from the ADAA for asking for help if you suffer from an anxiety disorder, and tips for helping someone you love.

Asking for Help

• While it may be difficult, be open and honest with your loved ones. They may not understand, but that doesn't mean they can't be helpful.
• If you're not comfortable talking about your problem, try describing your thoughts and feelings in a letter. It's a great way to open up communications.
• Try to explain what you experience in a way your loved ones can relate. For example, you might say, imagine crossing a busy intersection and suddenly seeing a speeding car barreling towards you. Think about how you would feel, how you would react. Then ask the person to imagine having those very same feelings while waiting in line to buy groceries, driving over a bridge on a sunny day or pricking up a phone to call a friend.
• When you need help, don't assume your loved one knows what you need. Be specific.
• Explain that the help you need may change from one time to the next. Such is the nature of the problem and should not be taken as a personal rejection.
• Work together to remain in situations until your levels of anxiety subside. If you must leave, try to go back as soon as possible.
• Ask your loved one to support you in feeling good about what you did do, not bad about what you did not do.
• Share your triumphs, no matter how small.
• Remind those trying to help that anxiety disorders are real, serious and treatable medical conditions. Having one is not a sign of weakness or lack of moral fiber.

Helping Someone You Love

• Recognize that the irrational feelings and thoughts experienced by someone with an anxiety disorder are different than the normal fear and anxiety responses that everyone feels from time to time.
• Acknowledge that you don't understand if you've never personally experienced a panic attack or other form of irrational anxiety.
• Appreciate that your loved one is aware that the thoughts and feelings are irrational, but feels powerless to stop them.
• Help set specific goals that can be approached one step at a time.
• Don't assume that you know what is needed. Ask how you can help. Listen carefully to the response.
• Accept that what may be helpful one time may not be the next. Don't take it personally. It's the nature of the disorder.
• Aim for positive reinforcement rather than judgment, criticism or blame.
• Understand that knowing when to be patient and when to push can be challenging. It's a fine line. Achieving the proper balance often requires trial and error.
• Remember, recovery requires hard work on the part of the individual, and patience on the part of the family. It may seem like a slow process, but the rewards are well worth it.

I hope everyone can be open-minded to the seriousness of anxiety and depression - acceptance, tolerance and a willingness to help or just be there are the keys to dealing and conquering it. I am lucky to have so many open-minded people in my life to help me with my own anxiety issues - but not everyone is as lucky.

Please remember someone suffering from anxiety or depression could be a sibling, a parent, a child, a friend, or a complete stranger on a train, restaurant or doctor's office. We suffer in silence - most of the time not realizing why we are suffering - until we are strong enough to acklowledge the problem. It took me almost a year before I was able to recognize my Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It should have not taken that long since others saw it before me.

Please remember words hurt - even if you are not aware you are saying something "wrong." If you have any idea that someone you are close to is suffering, just ask. Maybe you can save someone time in recovering.

One Day

Publically acknowledging my pregnancy losses

Wow, the past two weeks has brought up three very public ways to acknowedge my three pregnancy losses - and, you know what? I am not frightened or embarassed to be as public as I am going to be about them...

The first opportunity started with nominating my bosses in 9/06 for the 2007 Compassionate Friends Compassionate Employers Awards (check out the link from last week to see how the nomination came about). So, I opened my e-mail this morning to find this message from my Director:

"Marcia Alig from Compassionate Friends, NJ Director, wants to arrange a date/time to come over and present the plaque. I'd like to do this at a time when you are here, of course, but also to see whom else you would like to have present for the presentation. They may want you to say something if you feel like you want to. Clearly Sarah should be included. What about others? They suggested publicity, so we could invite Carl Blesch if you thought this was something you felt comfortable about publicizing. Marcia said their group likes publicity since it is good for them. Let's talk about this tomorrow. They would like to do this some time in the next few weeks. I'll be out of town a lot next week and some the week after, but we could do it the week of March 26."

Uh, I wasn't expecting this kind of publicity other than the center's name being listed on the Compassionate Friends web page!

But, you know what? I am glad that the local chapter is also acknowledging my bosses for being as kind and considerate as they were over the past year or so. It is very rare to find a group of people that supportive - and they deserve the recognition. So, I agreed to have this publicized by the University Relations Department and to also have everyone here at my Center be there (with my Hubby and I) when my bosses are given the plaque. Maybe this is a stepping stone for all employers to be kind during such a time of sorrow when going through a pregnancy loss or a death of a child.

Who knew I would become such the activist!

The second opportunity came about when I contacted someone named Hanna about a book she was writing on how couples remember their angels after a pregnancy loss or stillbirth. This request for stories came over a loss support e-mail list I received back in November - and I decided to share my story in February. Well, the book is now published - and my story is a part of it. I ordered a copy, as I have not yet seen the book at all. If anyone is interested, go here:

Remembering Our Angels: Personal Stories of Healing from a Pregnancy Loss

"No one knows the devastation and heartache of losing a baby more than a father or mother. Grieving parents often do not know where to turn and what to do with their grief in the aftermath of a pregnancy loss. In "Remembering Our Angels," Hannah Stone has collected essays and stories from pregnancy loss awareness activists, doctors, grief counselors and grieving parents in the hope of offering a resource to parents in mourning."

When I get the copy, I can let you know where our section is.

The third opportunity is that my husband and I are taking part in a research study with someone from NYU doing his doctoral thesis on learning the experience of couples who have lost a child prior to birth. His research will be complete around 6/07 - and he is hoping to publish his findings in the future. I saw this through the SHARE March newsletter and online here - but it is also available through RESOLVE. If anyone is interested, he would like to get a very broad sampling of couples that will strengthen his research.

I guess that part of acceptance is not being afraid to publically acknowldge your experiences... I hope at least one person will have a positive experience through sharing my story. I have certainly been aided by others sharing their stories - I hope I can repay the favor to someone else.

Paying It Forward

Last week, I had a few interesting, random things happen that have showed the kindness of strangers - or, in one case, it was not kindness but a mishap on that person's part that cost him/her $30.

The snowballs started on February 22nd with what I wrote about in the post The kindness of strangers. This post was about how someone randomly contacted my Hubby after he had posted on his wrestling message board about Britney Spears and our experiences with infertility and pregnancy loss.

Well, on February 28th, my last day officially working from home, E and I wanted to get the boys together for a playdate in the afternoon. So, Chris and I headed over to her house around 4 pm and we walked over to the train station to watch the trains (see post Christopher Fridays: Train Spotting and Dolphin Jumping). The plan was to order pizza when we got back to her house after watching the trains for a while, by which time Hubby and J would be home from work and we could eat together. But, on the walk over to the trainstation, E asked me to wait a second - she found $10 on the ground. We looked around and absolutely no one was there - no one we could spot who would have dropped the money. About a block further, I stopped short and found $20 on the ground. We looked around again - yet again, no one close who could have dropped the cash. So, E decided that we should use the money for paying for dinner. There was no way we could find who lost it, so we might as well use it.

...So, we did use it for dinner and only paid for the tip.

However, I felt bad about it the entire time. What if the person who dropped it really needed the cash? What if they didn't have enough to make ends meet - and we used their cash on something frivilous that we could have afforded ourselves? What if the cash meant not being able to feed his/her child?

Of course, it could have been lost by someone who was just going to spend it on something as frivilous as our pizza for dinner. But, who could tell us that? No one was around to could have said the money was their's.

Then, last Friday, I stopped to get gas on my way in to work. The Shell station on the GSP is still the only station that still had Regular for $2.28 a gallon, so I was going to fill up the tank since my car was about to sound the idiot bell for being low on gas. When I asked the attendant to fill it up with Regular (nope, we don't pump our gas in NJ), he told me that they were out of Regular. I watched as several people left the gas station in a huff because the station was out of Regular and went next door to the Exxon station (although their price for regular was the same price at the Plus at the Shell station). So, I decided I might as well get the Plus - the cost for the Plus was still cheaper than the Regular at most of the area gas stations. When the attendant returned with my receipt, he had given me the Plus for the price of the Regular - and had walked away before I could thank him! I managed to save a few dollars on the tank of gas.

So, I decided that - since I had saved at least $40 on various things last week - that I needed to give that money back somewhere. So, I dontated more than the $40 saved to the March of Dimes this week for their Annual Prematurity Drive.

I hope the money I saved last week goes to some good use now....and maybe a few of us can donate to those babies who need it too.

2007 Compassionate Friends Compassionate Employers Awards

Wanted to share with everyone that my employers were recognized as one of the 2007 Compassionate Friends Compassionate Employers Awardees.

See the links here (my employers are listed first for New Jersey):

Press Release: Compassionate Friends Compassionate Employers (PDF file)

List of 2007 Compassionate Employers

It is was very nice to be able to thank them for everything they have done over the past year and a half - and they were quite honored for Hubby and I to even think of them.

Means so much when someone cares what you are going through...

Some more prayers needed...

I could use some prayers sent out to a few people I hold near and dear:

1. A friend of Hubby's from his prior job just had a son three weeks ago. The little boy has a heart condition where the heart cannot regulate the beat - so a pacemaker is going to be put in. Please send some prayers out to the little boy and his parents. They are great, great people.

2. A few of the ladies in my BG's could use some prayers right now, for various reasons.

One of them is a continuation from my post in early December (see "A request for prayers and information for an on-line friend"). She is getting conflicting information from two MFM doctors - one is more positive than the other. Please pray for the best possible outcome for the baby.

Another is having a very hard time with the aftermath of very hard to face issues from her childhood. It is all spilling over into her life now, and she could use the support. Please pray she has the strength and courage to face her fears and find who she needs to be.

The last is another BG member who TTC #2 now and is facing IF again. Please pray her journey to #2 is much shorter this time.

3. One of our close friends is going for her beta today - some of you know her from FF to, so please keep some positive thoughts and prayers going for her today.

Thanks everyone.

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting

Just a reminder that The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting will be held this Sunday, December 10th. Held annually the second Sunday in December, The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe as they light candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.





As per the The Compassionate Friends web page, The Worldwide Candle Lighting is believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe - It creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.

As history, The Worldwide Candle Lighting started in the United States in 1997 as a small Internet observance but has since swelled in numbers as word has spread throughout the world of the remembrance. A memorial message board is available during the event at TCF's USA website www.compassionatefriends.org. Hundreds upon hundreds of postings are received each year from all over the United States, as well as dozens of other countries. Some messages are in foreign languages.

Here in the United States, publicity about the event is widespread, being featured in the past in Parade Magazine, Ann Landers column (where my mother found out about it), Guideposts magazine, Annie’s Mailbox, and literally hundreds of U.S. newspapers, dozens of television stations, and numerous websites. Information on the Worldwide Candle Lighting and planned memorial candle lighting services is posted on the TCF website at www.compassionatefriends.org each year as the event nears.

The United States Senate has, for many of the 10 years of the Worldwide Candle Lighting, joined in the remembrance by unanimously passing resolutions declaring the second Sunday in December of each year National Children’s Memorial Day to coincide with The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting.

The Worldwide Candle Lighting gives bereaved families everywhere the opportunity to remember their child . . . that their light may always shine!

Frightening story...and a call to action for all of us!

I received a copy of the Parents Magazine January issue yesterday in the mail.... Usually I let these types of mags sit for a while before I actually read them, but since I was trying to rest a bit to finally get over the lovely stomach bug Chris decided to share with me, I decided to read through it last night.

Chris: I love you baby....more than you know. But, can you do me the very small favor of giving Daddy the stomach virus next time??? The score card is 3:0 - unfortunately in Mommy's favor!

Anyways... There was a very frightening story in the January issue that all of us - regardless of where we are in our reproductive lives because this trend could go beyond the practice of obstetrics - need to read and take action on.

If you do not get the advance copies of Parents Magazine, the full story is not yet available (link will be available soon for http://www.parents.com/January - but, you can go here to get a "taste" for what the article is about:

Losing Your OB-GYN? You Might Be!

Dr. D had mentioned the problem with malpractice insurance coverage skyrocketing a few years ago to us (before I got PG with Chris in August 2003) - and how afraid he was that if the cost of malpractice insurance rose too much for him, he may have to back out of ob practice completely. He said that good ob/gyn's are being forced out of practice (or forced to cut back to gyn practice) because they can't afford the coverage - and med school students are overlooking the ob/gyn practice for that same reason.

Women across the country are loosing fantastic doctors - and NJ/NY/PA are all in the danger zones, with CT close behind (and that is just the tri-state area!). There was a section of the Parent's Magazine article siting that infant mortality rates in Virgina are actually rising> as the number of ob/gyn's in practice fall because of the cost of malpractice insurance coverage! Can that be any more scary for us as we approach 2007???

You can go here for the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) Red Alert List map. The ACOG also has an article about the issues here on their web site: Women's Access to Health Care Hurt by Medical Liability Crisis.

Dr. D is a fantastic doctor - I can't imagine losing him because ob/gyn malpractice insurance is second only to malpractice insurance for Neurosurgeons! But, he has already told us that if his insurance ups itself into the 6-figures area, then he has to quit ob practice. Where would that leave me?? Dr. D has an amazing passion for what he does - his is a doctor who has been in this profession for 20+ years and is on the Residency Board of the hospital you deliver at, who wells up when he sees that baby moving on an u/s or cries with you when you don't, and is adamant about finding out why you are habitually miscarrying - it is a crying shame to be on the cusp of loosing someone like Dr. D because of rediculous malpractice claims being filed.

That is not to say that some claims are not ligit - my brother and his ex-wife definitely had a legitimate claim after their oldest son was born (which they actually never filed). She had a botched c-section - the stitches opened less than a week after coming home, and she started bleeding and the site got infected. She was quite ill. But, the articles list claims that are being filed that are just not the fault of the doctors - and they are being sued for them anyway.

I am not one to fight on political/social issues....but it scares me very much that I am close to losing my ob/gyn - a doctor who has been through every up and down with us for the past 8 years - over an issue of insurance. Some reform needs to come around in the US....and we have the power to do it.

You can take action, if this in any way affects you, by printing the letter below (linked from the Parents Magazine site) and send it to your senators and state representatives to reverse this growing trend:

• Print Letter
• To contact your senator visit, senate.gov
• To contact your representative, visit house.gov

I hope all of you can help... I know I will be!

A request for prayers and information for an on-line friend

One of my on-line friends could really use some prayers from anyone who is willing to send some.

She and her DH found out at herr 20 week ultrasound (she is about 23 weeks now) that the baby has dolichocephaly (a rare disorder having to do with an abnormal shape of the head). The confusing thing right now, until they get their second opinion tomorrow, is that this could be a condition in and of itself, or part of a bigger problem - all of which can range from mild cases to very severe cases. They are waiting for her amnio results, but have been told that even if chromosomal issues are ruled out, it could be a genetic disorder.

One of the biggest issues for her right now is 1) she can't seem to find anyone dealing with the same condition, 2) it seems so rare that she can't find any support groups that discuss it and 3) she can't find much information on the condition at all.

So, if anyone knows of information I can pass along to her - or just prayers you can offer - please post a comment to this post. She will hopefully be looking for any information on the disorder or support services that she should ask for.

Thanks a million, all!

Today is October 15th: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is October 15th, the official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Just a reminder that everyone is invited to participate in a WORLD WIDE Wave of Light Ceremony - to honor all of those babies lost to us.



Please light a candle at 7 pm in your time zone and keep it burning for at least 1 hour - and join me as I remember my three precious angels, and the angels of my friends and family members who have also experienced a loss. If everyone does this there will be a continuous WAVE OF LIGHT over the entire world today that will last for 24 hours.

For details, see the official October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day site.

World Wide Wave of Light Ceremony

For anyone who has experienced a loss, October 15th, the official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, everyone is invited to participate in a WORLD WIDE Wave of Light Ceremony.



Please light a candle at 7pm in your time zone and keep it burning for at least 1 hour. If everyone does this there will be a continuous WAVE OF LIGHT over the entire world on October 15th that will last for 24 hours.

For details, see the official October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day site.

SHARE Walk to Remember

Hubby, Christopher, my mother and I are doing a Walk to Remember for the SHARE organization on Saturday morning, October 7th in Edison, NJ.

The goal of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first few months of life.

If anyone would like to support us, please let me know via e-mail. I have the donation slip that I can add you to. Specifics of the walk we are doing can be found here: New Jersey Walk to Remember.

Thanks!

Resolution to make October 15th the Official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day will be voted on today!! ** UPDATE**

*** AS AN UPDATE***

The resolution was passed last week! October 15th is now the Official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day!!!!

Thanks to all those who helped!
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The resolution to make October 15th the Official Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day will be voted on today!!!



A total of 51 Representatives are supporting this Resolution... Let's keep our fingers crossed that this October 15th is the first OFFICIAL Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day!

Autism Speaks: Annual Walk for Autism Research

For anyone who has been touched by Autism, Autism Speaks! is getting ready for its annual signature event, Walk for Autism Research.

My friend C (who was involved with my meeting Hubby 19 years ago) has a son who was just diagnosed with Autism this year, after so many other medical battles in his relatively short life. She and her her husband T are taking part in the Annual Walk for Autism Research:



To send a donation:

Click here to get to the Scholz personal page and make a secure, online donation.

Or, you may make a check payable to Autism Speaks and mail your check to:

Timothy Scholz
5171 86th Ave N
Pinellas Park, FL, 33782-5352

Your donation will get where it needs to go - directly to Autism Research. Thank you!